Average Jane



You lookin at me?

This post is about my gym and how much I friggen LOVE it there. Why? Because there, I don’t give a CRAP about what others think of me. There, I, in my own mind, and the sexxiest bitch in the room…

I’m sure you can imagine me in my little gym outfit: hair perfectly thrown into a high ponytail, tight workout pants with no VPL because of the “gym-thong“, and a hot little sportsbra.

Um… No, no. I’m over here. Yeah, that’s me in the stained tanktop and ilfitted pants because I’m too cheap to actually pay money for gym clothes. My hair is thrown into some semblance of a nest atop my head, and my legs are not shaved. So not shaved.

Now, ladies, feel free to be jealous. Go on. I’ll wait. I go to the gym and unapologetically strut around looking like absolute crap and don’t have anything to worry about. Why? Because I go to a “soccer mom gym”. I believe I’ve mentioned it before. Because the majority of the women at my gym are old and, well, soccermomish, I tend to go to the gym and feel pretty damn good about myself.

With my gym-specific self esteem, I have fallen victim to what I’m sure is a disorder: I love to catch people looking at me when I workout. I am not so naive to think they aren’t staring at my hairy armpits or crooked glasses, but I much prefer to think they are staring at my bulging muscles and glistening sweat. Delusions work for me. Whatever. Don’t judge.

Some women hate going to the gym because they have to look all prim and proper and cute and show off for all the other women who are there. And the guys. I say, take back the gym. Own it. Tell those cute bitches to go shove it. Tell them you hope their thong slices right through their butt cheeks while they’re on the stairmaster.

But don’t get me wrong, sometimes if I know I’ll be at the gym at the same time as one of the 3 hot guys who goes to my gym, I’ll opt for the short tennis socks instead of my super hot slouch socks that look so rad with my cropped gym pants. Or, I’ll wear my black tanktop instead of my pit stained white tank top just for an added confidence booster.

Look, I’ve been working out regularly for 2 years now and at this point I’m bored. I hate it. My routine has become… routine? I need a little something to get me through each exercise. Something to get me to the gym. Playing games with boys at the gym, even when I know full well I’m the only one of the two of us playing, is fine with me. Hopping from machine to machine to get closer to my target, hoping he’ll catch a glimpse of me out of the corner of his eye as I lift round abouts 1/3 of the weight he’s lifting. Hoping more that he’ll see me lifting said weight, fall madly in love with me for who I am on the inside and never have to go back to the f-ing gym again… ever. Gah.

But with that hope dwindling, I continue to go to the gym, continue to let the other soccer moms stare with udder jealously as I hold the attention of… like that one guy over there who thinks he’s not too old or too married to hold court with a 25 year old gymrat like me. I continue to secretly revel in the knowledge that I can easily lift 3-5 lbs more than these women twice my age. I take pride in the fact that they wasted all their money on cute matching outfits when I look so clearly hot in my mismatched, dirty hand me downs.

Today, the goal is to make it through the day, my muscles twitching in pain from taking a gym class that was just so far out of my athletic capabilities…. one that was populated entirely by these same soccer moms who thankfully didn’t notice the 5’9” young (hot) chick at the back of the class who couldn’t quite keep up. Damn it.


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Comments

  1. * Jo says:

    I think it’s pathetic to dress up to go to the gym. You’re there to sweat, not to be looking pretty. If you happen to be one of those unnatural people who looks beautiful while sweating, good for you, most people (i.e. me) do not look stunning while working out.

    Only I look glamourous as I sweat to the oldies… duh. One day you will, too, Jo. Just come workout with me. It’s contagious. :)

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 8 months ago
  2. * Kim-E says:

    Has anyone seen the pics of Hilary Duff at the beach.

    Why is she wearing more makeup than she does when she’s going out for a night on the town, arm full of bangles and earrings to boot. She actually did get wet but I see now why Joel went with Nicole.

    Hilary sings about being a little too in to herself and not paying attention to others and now I believe who goes to the beach like that?

    I lose everything at the beach. Shoes, my top, etc. So I certainly wouldn’t wear anything I valued. But think about it, whereas you and I wear makeup and jewelery places where we’ll be photographed, she’s constantly caught at the beach. Goodness knows I’d wear anything I could to distract people from the fact that I’m in a bathing suit.

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 8 months ago
  3. * Ms. Tart says:

    Is there really such a thing as a gym thong? Is nothing sacred?

    Well, apparently there is. I updated the link in the blog to reflect the actual product. Hot damn. People gotz issuez. I don’t wear a thong under normal circumstances. I always thought covering up my butt was the sole benefit of underwear. No one needs to see that.

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 8 months ago
  4. * LJ says:

    Love it… I agree. The gym should be um about getting a work out, not a fashion show. My favorite way to go is roll out of bed, thrown on clothes, and hop on metro. Perfect! Anyone else who looks beyond that seriously put too much thought into prepping for their 7AM gym outting.

    Oh, don’t get me started on people who can actually workout in the morning. I don’t get it. Mornings are reserved for one thing – sleep. I am a night worker-outer, and during my workout heyday, I would go on Friday nights because I was that cool. To my credit, I was hit on by this totally cute girl at the gym on a Friday night. Not that I’d ever consider it… ;)

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 8 months ago
  5. * Genevieve says:

    hey at least you go to the gym. i haven’t been inside a gym since last summer. i haven’t even worked out (@ home) since…. i’m not sure. sometime in early spring.

    whenever i went to the gym i would wear my most disgusting clothes. i didn’t want to get anything nice dirty. i think the only “nice” thing i wore was a sports bra from victoria’s secret that’s far too big for me now since i’ve lost weight.
    oh well.

    I own not one piece of victoria’s secret paraphernalia. OK. I lie. I own one thong that I’ve never actually worn. But hey, maybe I should give it a whirl at the gym.

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 8 months ago
  • * kerrianne says:

    I hear you on the gym-y boredom. What class was it that you took? I only ask because (I’m nosy, yes, and also) I was going to ask: have you tried any rad fitness classes lately? Like kick-boxing? Or synchronized swimming. Just kidding about that last one. Mostly. ; )

    I STRUGGLED through my work-out this afternoon. And definitely haven’t shaved my legs in many a day. Awesome.

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 8 months ago
  • * Melissa says:

    I used to be one of those women you described. Now, everything I wear still matches–but only because it’s all in the same series that fit so great, I bought one of everything. I wear the clothes ’til holes develop and threaten to flash my nether regions to the world. My biggest concern went from appropriately displaying my Beta Tangos to simply making sure I don’t have camel toe. The transition from a university gym frequented by gorgeous young hotties to a community gym frequented by old Russian guys who like to sit in the hottub and watch ladies bounce during water aerobics sure has changed me. If any guy ever approaches me in the gym, it would probably be to tell me that I forgot to wipe off a piece of equipment–not to hit on me.

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 8 months ago
  • * Heather B. says:

    I go to the gym every morning with this scarf tihng on my head with my hair all under it and some yoga pants that don’t fit because they’re cheap as hell. And oh yes, there is often some major visible panty line. HOTTT.

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 8 months ago
  • * matt says:

    hey, nerd. ;)

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 8 months ago


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