To the person about to text me, a few steps to take before hitting “send”:
1. Look down at your phone.
2. Examine your message.
3. Reference list of Unacceptable Text Messages*
4. Consider alternate methods of communicating**
5. DO NOT HIT SEND!
*List of Unacceptable Text Messages: [Abridged]
-How have you been?
-Hey, what’s up?
-Sup
-Aight
-K
-OK
-Hi
-Bye
-Are you asleep?
-Are you awake?
-[Any message requiring more than a 10 word response]
-[Any message requiring more than a 2 text exchange]
**List of Alternate Methods of Communicating
-Pick up the damn phone
-Send me a fucking email
-IM me – I know you’re online, dude.
-Carrier pigeon
-Smoke signals?
-WALK ACROSS THE ROOM AND TALK TO ME
If you have any question as to the best vehicle for message communication… Do not hit send.
