Average Jane

Spring Cleaning

When people talk about Spring Cleaning, I guess I assumed they always talked about their homes. Tidy up the bedroom, straighten the closets, toss out old clothes, pack away the winter garb and break out the summer attire.

I never thought that Spring Cleaning meant cleaning out the people in your life, as well.

I was wrong.  I have been cleaned.

Recently, a few people have chosen to tidy up their lives, and in the process of preparing for the spring, have tidied me right out. Swept me out with the winter blues, unintentionally (or intentionally) shedding light on all of my insecurities. Perhaps the clouds of winter cast a shadow over my imperfections, allowing me to live in a world that was almost surreal: where I had loads of friends, plans every weekend, men fawning over me.

In the warm air of early spring all of the skeletons in my closet have come out of hibernation including the oldest skeleton, “friends”. I haven’t had many. Not real ones. The ones I’ve had for more than 5 years I can count on one hand. And really, probably have some fingers to spare. Perhaps this past week someone finally had the wherewithal to tell me exactly what was wrong with me…

Dare I pull out the “when I was a kid” file? Alrighty then. When I was a kid, I was scared of clowns. And furry characters like Mickey Mouse and Chuck E. Cheese. Needless to say, I didn’t go to many birthday parties. My mom thinks this is why I never had many friends. Therefore I never learned how to be a friend. So at some point I tried to make up for it and became a people pleaser. In high school, I tried to be friends with everyone and failed. So come college I pierced myself up, died my hair black, and gave people a reason not to be friends with me. That worked for sure. Until I had to grow up.

So here I am. Trying to learn how to date, how to make friends, how to do “fashion”… all as an adult. And I am failing at most of them. Shockingly enough (ms. debra leigh) I am doing alright on the fashion front. Still tackling “cute shoes”.

To my friends: I hope upon hope that I have not pushed you away. I hope I have not been “too eager”. I hope that my attentiveness has been taken for what it is: a genuine concern; genuine care. I don’t care if you can’t hang out or need time away from me. I am not changing. I’ll always be a friend to you even when you may have a hard time being a friend to me.  That’s who I am. Maybe one day you’ll need me, and you’ll come looking for me. Maybe you’ll be glad that I never gave up on you even if you gave up on me.

Spring cleaning may be about cleaning the clutter out of your life, ridding your life of excess… but in my opinion a person can never have too many friends.


Trackbacks & Pingbacks


  1. * Laundro says:

    I’ve always felt that friends are best in quality not quantity. I know that’s not what your last sentence probably meant, but that’s what it reminded me of.

    I tend to agree, that quality friends are absolutely important. Maybe I should be more selective. Maybe I worry that I’ll miss out on some great people if I start picking and choosing. Don’t get me wrong, the majority of the people in my life I wouldn’t invite to my wedding, or expect to visit in me in the hospital. Such friends truly are rare and wonderful. But when it comes to people to keep around for happy hours, bar hopping, bowling, shopping, giggling, walks on the mall, etc… why limit yourself? What if you miss out on something, someone wonderful?

    | Reply Posted 11 years, 1 month ago
  2. * I-66 says:

    I must confess, I have excised some past friends in certain situations – especially when it’s determined that they’re fair-weather, only calling when they need something. I don’t need folks like that in my life.

    I’m not alleging that you’re guilty of anything of the sort, but I personally consider it a valid reason to do something like that.

    I guess I’m just surprised at how many people have done this so called “weeding” of friends. I can appreciate getting rid of bad friends, but I guess I don’t understand the idea that someone just has too many friends and not enough time for more. What if an amazing person comes along and they are cast aside because, what, they showed up late? I guess there are infinite details to every story, including this particular one. It all boils down the the fact that I just get scared that the rest of my friends will eventually jump ship, too. Welcome to the world of the insecure.

    | Reply Posted 11 years, 1 month ago
  3. * Dan says:

    Laundro sounds like a tool. That’s the kind of thing really unpopular and obnoxious people say. Friends are best in quality AND quantity. As soon as you dismiss “quantity”, it’s pretty obvious that most people don’t like you to begin with.

    Oh, Dan. If you only knew what an amazing person Laundro is. I can completely understand where he’s coming from. Everyone can have their opinions… we’ve discussed this before =). Now play nice.

    | Reply Posted 11 years ago
  4. * Kristin says:

    I have a friend who’s still scared of clowns, mascots, pretty much anything in costume. She hides on Halloween and you should have seen her at a National’s game when Screech approached. Hilarious. Unless you are her.

    At least you’re moving beyond your fear of people in costume and realize that people need people, as hard as it can be.

    | Reply Posted 11 years ago
  5. * Dan says:

    “playing nice” goes against everything that I believe to be great about the internet.

    | Reply Posted 11 years ago

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