Average Jane



Excuse me, Sir?

OK. I need advice. Really, I’ll be passing this advice along to my gym manager, but I’m sure someone has some words of wisdom.

There’s a guy at the gym whose body odor is offensive. Eye watering, gagging, can’t breathe offensive. I started to notice this right around the time the weather passed 50 the first time. And by “I noticed”, I mean, the entire gym noticed.

It started to be an issue when I realized that his routine and mine align precisely. I’ve started to have to amend my routine, going downstairs to workout since he’s EXACTLY WHERE I NEED TO BE whenever I’m there. I tried rearranging the order of the machines so that I was doing legs while he was doing arms, but right between my shoulder press and bicep curl, I ran out of time and saw him approaching. I abandoned ship after holding my breath and exiting the area. And it’s not like you can get away from it, really. The fans blow his stink across the entire gym.

The gym manager approached me (the queen of couth) a few weeks ago about what to do. I went down my list of ideas:

  • Offer him a special free offer of deodorant
  • Tell him that he has a problem
  • Ask one of your little worker bees to talk to him
  • Whatever you do, do it on his way out so he can’t beat you up and then keep working out

In his infinite wisdom, he ignored me. Instead, he had an “anonymous member” write a note, and then he gave it to this member. They then had to go to the manager’s closed, no-windowed office to discuss. Poor manger.

Situation solved? Not so much. He was back the next day. And again a week later. And then yesterday. I walked upstairs from my altered routine to the smell of disinfectant? The manager had put some in a little bottle and was spraying it overtly in this member’s general area. I mean, COME ON! Take a friggen hint! How do you not know you smell THAT BAD?

So now, what to do? Tell corporate to revoke this guy’s membership? Do I change when I go to the gym to avoid him? Do I pass him a doctor’s name and number to get that shit fixed? I will not have this geiser mess with my gymming. NO WAY!

In the comments: PLEASE HELP!

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Comments

  1. * I-66 says:

    I can say that giving him deodorant probably wasn’t gonna cut it since he appears not to be using it anyway.

    What about covering him in dryer sheets? Have people lined up at the door with bottles of cologne to spray, as if in a Macy’s or something? Have him killed?

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 3 months ago
  2. * Alex says:

    When I played hockey, I used to leave my gear in the bag between games. It was usually still wet from sweat when I took it back out the next week to put it on. I don’t have a good excuse, I’m just bad with doing chores when I get home including taking everything out and drying it. And it really sucks if you forget something at home.

    So, eventually I smelled so bad that someone else, inside of their own stinky gear, had to tell me that I stunk. Also, I was starting to get rashes from the elastic straps. That might have clued me in.

    So my advice is, wait till this guy starts getting bad rashes.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 2 months ago
  3. * kangaman says:

    eh, i know this is an older post, but ITS NEW TO ME!!. Trust me, just walk over to him and dump the disinfectant on his head. I bet the gym applaudes you.

    then again, try dealing with this. there was a 70+year old man at my last gym. yeah, he used to wear jogging shorts from the 1980’s. unfortunately, he was all about going commando. this guy would lay down to bench, and his uh, how can i put this, well his wrinkled old balls would FALL OUT OF HIS shorts. thank god i never witnessed it, but the story was lovingly passed on to me by the employees of the gym. =0 )

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 11 months ago


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