Average Jane

When a spoon is more than a spoon.

It was a stressful day at work, filled with doing things not work related… fighting “the man” in an attempt to get access to my own police report filed for my accident in which I was the only participant and hence the only victim. I employed the help of my dear darling lovely wonderful friend Eva who, as always, came through like a champ right when I needed her. (Did I mention she’s fabulous?)

With the trying day over, a promise of access granted, and work complete, I went to the gym. Arriving home, I found out that my parents who are still here after a week (3 days longer than they should be because my dad fell and his hit head, the windshield of their car got cracked, and now they want to buy a house) aren’t leave for another day and my brother who I don’t talk to because he’s got issues was on his way over.

So what’s a girl to do but GO SHOPPING! I called up my guy-friend-who-is-in-a-band and we hit the road. In no particular order, I bought: a pair of cute shoes (yes, Debi, they are cute), 2 CDs (Pink and Red Jumpsuit Apparatus), saran wrap, freezer bags, cheese, yogurt, and…. ice cream.

In an attempt to not go home (that’s a big loaded statement that probably requires more exploration at a later time), I convinced guy-friend to eat ice cream with me in his van in the Safeway parking lot. When Red Jumpsuit Apparatus proved too “lame” for guy-friend, we decided to put in Pink. I warned him, I rock out to Pink. But he said anything would be better.

As if a night of shopping wasn’t good enough, you put me in a car, eating ice cream, with Pink blaring, and something was bound to happen. And OH BOY did it ever: Average Jane went glam rockstar, singing hard core into her spoon in the front seat of guy-friend’s car. I’m talking Full-on rock star performance in the parking lot of Safeway.

In the front seat of a silver van, there I was… on stage. The world melted away. The people pushing carts (and guy-friend) were my throngs of adoring fans, and the headlights of the car parked in front of us were my personal spotlight. No one could stop me. I knew all the words. With my voice melding seamlessly with Pink’s (or something), I was the center of the universe, and it felt good.

All the stresses of my life waiting for me less than 100 yards away, and there I was, in the performance of a lifetime. Spoon in hand, fully “plugged in”, I was high on life and ice cream.  (Note to readers: In the interest of full disclosure, I can be bought and sold on ice cream. Ice cream and vodka. But I digress…)

Where was I…? Oh yes, spoon in hand, nothing could stop me. I couldn’t thank guy-friend enough for rescuing me from my life, just for one evening, just for a few hours. Not only did I get to escape my life, I got to pretend, for a moment, that I was bigger than life. That I was, in fact, a rock star.

American Blogstand, watch the F*ck out. When I take the stage, there’s no stopping me. I just hope we can hold court in the parking lot.


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  1. * Laundro says:

    Which Pink CD did you get? She’s pretty rad.

    Pink is more than pretty rad… she’s bad ass. I got “I’m not dead yet” and I can HIGHLY recommend it. Not that my musical taste is so great (compared to you, of course). It’s completely empowering and actually fairly well written. The most upsetting part of the entire CD is that she insists on spelling her name “P!nk” which makes her seem less badass and more 13-year-old-girl. Can’t win em all…

    | Reply Posted 11 years ago
  2. * carrie m says:

    Ooooh…Pink. She would be excellent to karaoke to…

    Sounds like a good night, even though the rents have still invaded. You know you’re welcome at my place to escape! Although I would have put you to work last night as I started some Spring Cleaning.

    Don’t think I won’t be taking you up on the safe haven offer. Tonight, however, I must got suit shopping. Back to Nordstrom Rack to get a wickedly amazing suit for a fraction of the cost. I’ll probably splurge and buy that super cute hat I wanted, even though I’m not a hat person. Whatever. I can wear it at home and pretend I look cute.

    | Reply Posted 11 years ago
  3. So, what kind of ice cream?

    And…car accident?! Are you ok? Or is worse that the parents are still in town?

    In this particular instance, the ice cream was soy and of the chocolate variety. The night prior, it was also soy. However, with my brave pants securely fastened, I got vanilla almond/pistachio. I know… daredevil I am. Both varieties were loverly.

    As for my car accident, after my court case tomorrow I will give a full run down of the events and explain why the whole thing sucked a big nut.

    | Reply Posted 11 years ago
  4. * I-66 says:

    Who is going with you to court?

    | Reply Posted 11 years ago
  5. Hellck, I like this blog n_n
    And how I understand you, how many time have I air freddy mercuried, or air matthew bellamied, sometimes both at once, forgetting that I didn’t have their voice nor their charisma, giving it all that I could, bouncing all over the place, no matter how small or not bounceable the place was. And how it felt great xD Last time was last tuesday actually, and I’m still recovering, but heckll, ’twas worth it…

    Blog on miss, I’ll be one of your readers from now on 🙂

    | Reply Posted 11 years ago

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