Average Jane

Average Jane +1… and other sad, sad signs that I’m an adult

Life is full of transitions. (Ahhh… I do love the broad sweeping pseudo intellectual blog openers…)

At 11, I made the transition from elementary school to middle school. Jane… meet locker. Be glad you don’t fit in it.

At 13, I made the transition to high school. <hell> Jane… meet 4 of the most traumatic years of your life. </hell>

At 17, I made the transition to college. I learned how to live on my own. I got my first job. I learned how to hold my liquor (or tried really hard to learn). I paid my first bill. I had my first credit card.

At 21, I made the transition to the “real world”. I learned how to grocery shop for more than non-perishables. I paid rent for the first time. I had many bills. I learned how to file aforementioned bills. I started to date. I got and lost my first real job.

At 25, I made the transition to “adult”. It happened. I went from “young adult” to “adult”… or so I think. A point by point assessment my new adulthoodness:

  1. I bought an ipod. It was expensive. I didn’t need it.
  2. I go shopping for clothes when I want them. Whenever I want them. Unapologetically.
  3. I don’t worry that my rent check won’t clear.
  4. I do not have a cohesive group of friends, and really enjoy my “alone time”.
  5. I go “downtown for happy hour”.
  6. There are fewer months left on my car payments than payments I’ve made.
  7. I own a “little black dress”.
  8. I am a “manager” at work. No. I don’t have a staff. Shut up. It’s still cool.
  9. My first set of friends got married. Got pregnant. And are about to have the baby.
  10. I got invited to a wedding. The invitation said “and guest”.

Oh, if not for #10… I was totally thrown for a loop when the invitation came in the mail. “Average Jane and Guest”. I was not forewarned about this. The groom (my friend) did not tell me I would have to consider accompaniment. He did not tell me that I was supposed to have been coupled by now. As a matter of fact, he was supposed to set me up with his pop-star brother. I can’t get set up if I’m there with a “and Guest”, can I? Or maybe I can. But that’s kinda creepy. Or kinky. Hmmm…

Is this protocol? They have to invite the “and Guest” at some point? I am not one to sit and feel sorry for myself on the romance front. My singularity is my choice. And I like it. Lots. But my singleness has not been thrown in my face so egregiously as it was with this one slip of paper. This one invitation. “Average Jane and Her Damn Self”.

So I stare in the face of the reply card.

  • Do I reply for 1? Admitting my alone-ness, risking the possibility that all other men in attendance will have brought a “and Guest”?
  • Do I reply for 2, assuming that in the next 1.5 months I will, in fact, meet my soul mate? (And if so, does he want the steak, fish, or veggie meal?)
  • Do I ask a girlfriend along to be my wingman at the wedding? (Hey, Roosh… can chicks have wingmen at weddings?)

Anyway… Today it hit me. I’m an adult. Now, I’m going to put on my cocktail dress, get in my more than halfway paid for car, and cruise to music on my brand new ipod while thinking about all of my non-related friends and dreaming of my credit card bills that I am so privileged to pay off every month.

I wonder if Max Bemis is available in July….


Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. Flying Solo « Average Jane pingbacked on 10 years, 9 months ago


  1. * Carrie M says:

    you make it sounds so…*nice*…
    I guess it is a pretty cool thing. Welcome, baby. πŸ™‚

    What’s coolest is that I get to decide how cool it is. There’s POWER in owning my adultness. And I am the adultest!

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 11 months ago
  2. * junomat says:

    I think if you have someone special in your life, bring them. Otherwise go solo. You’ll meet more people that way anyways!

    I have good luck with meeting new people at weddings. Especially when there is alcohol aplenty. Which there inevitably will be. AND there will be a drunk bus. *BEHAVE YOURSELF, JANE!* (Or don’t! Whatever. I’m an adult!)

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 11 months ago
  3. * Becca says:

    But have you eaten cookies and/or ice cream for dinner without anyone chiding you? This was when I knew I was an adult.
    But I wouldn’t before the wedding, what with a cocktail dress to fit into and whatnot.

    Sometimes just to be a rebel, I’ll eat the same thing for dinner that I had for breakfast. But to be fair, If I could, I’d eat oatmeal for every meal of the day. I have issues.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 11 months ago
  4. * Roosh says:


    I knew you’d have the answer.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 11 months ago
  5. * Jo says:

    I don’t like being an adult. I don’t know what you’re so happy about πŸ™‚

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 11 months ago
  6. * Genevieve says:

    The only ones I haven’t gotten are 6 & 8.

    Man when I started my job I have now, I was still in the mode of “I’m- constantly- broke- and- worried- that- my- debit- card/credit- card- will- get- rejected- whenever- I- buy- anything.” I’ve had this job for almost 2 years and I think only overdrawn my account once but I still get worried that I’m totally broke.

    Such a nice feeling to have money. πŸ™‚

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 11 months ago
  7. * cw says:

    see wedding crashers

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 11 months ago
  8. * Arjewtino says:

    When I was 11, I got stuffed in my junior high locker. By my friends.

    Consider yourself lucky.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 11 months ago
  9. * Mandy says:

    God I hate that plus one shit.

    I have a wedding in October to attend. It’s gonna be great. At the beach, lots of booze, kick ass partying, and… no date. At least none to speak of at the moment.

    What’s a girl to do? Find a hot groomsman perhaps?

    I always feel very adult when flying alone. Because a) chances are I paid for my own ticket, b) I could disappear off the planet and no one would know, and c) I don’t have to call and ask for permission to take a trip anymore. I just go.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 11 months ago
  10. * Irina says:

    I’m bringing a girlfriend to be my wingman at a wedding too!

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 11 months ago

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