Average Jane


Fathers Day for me is… difficult.

How about this. I tell you what happened and spare you the backstory. Yeah? Good.

Mom- “So, Average Jane is joining us for dinner. Isn’t that nice?”

Dad- “Well, my stress level just went up 5 points.”

Jane- “Gee, Dad. I don’t have to come if you’d prefer.”

Dad- “You wouldn’t mind?”

Jane- “No, Dad. It’s fine. Happy Father’s Day.”

So I went to a bbq at a friend’s house, trying to dodge questions about why I wasn’t spending the evening with my own father.

And trying not to feel rejected.

I kinda failed at both.

Happy Father’s Day, Dad. People say we’re so much alike. I pray to God that’s not true.


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  1. * aileen says:

    That’s just wrong. Doesn’t even matter what the backstory is.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 10 months ago
  2. * Carrie M says:

    you need to come move in with me, immediately. I know I just have a pull out couch, but ugh. Love you.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 10 months ago
  3. * KassyK says:

    I don’t even know you well but that just seems so wrong in every way and you seem like a really sweet and interesting person. I am so sorry you had that kind of day. 😦

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 10 months ago
  4. Jane, That is so sad. I agree, no matter what the backstory is, he should want to see you on Father’s Day.
    Well, wait. In a normal world, the world for which all the friggin’ Hallmark Cards are made and in which they all make sense, he would be apprehensive (at most) but gracious at least and appreciative of your effort at best.
    I don’t live in that world, either.
    Happy Father’s Day, in your own way, in our world.

    Happy Father’s Day, indeed. He loves me. I love him. He has done for me throughout my life what I hope I can do for my children. I learn something more every day from him. What to be. What not to be.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 10 months ago
  5. * Justin says:


    | Reply Posted 10 years, 10 months ago
  6. * freckledk says:

    You don’t have to put up with that — parent or no parent. That kind of treatment is just HATEFUL.
    I was in a similar situation and, one day, I just snapped and said, “You know what? I’m done. I don’t need to be around anyone who makes me feel so badly about myself.” So, for the next 2 years, I cut my family out of my life 100%. I didn’t respond to the messages they left, nor the letters they mailed. I spent Christmas and Thanksgiving with my FAMILY of FRIENDS. It sucked at times, and was lonely, but it was also very liberating. I needed to take that stand. I deserved better treatment. I was resilient in putting up with their abuse, but that resilience only lasts for so long. Eventually, something inside you breaks. And you can either stay and accept it or take a stand against it.
    The result in my shut-out was a 180 degree turnaround in my family’s regard for me. In the end, they were begging to have me back, and haven’t said a harsh word to me since. They sort of kiss up to me, in fact. And I deserve it. And so do you.

    I told myself years ago that if me and dad ever fight, and he apologizes, I’ll always forgive him. I fear that the one time I don’t he’ll up and die on me. It’s a real fear. It’s a feasible reality. One year I didn’t take to my dad for unapologetic months, but in the end, it just wasn’t worth it. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself. It’s so good to know that you’ve been through something similar. It’s so good to know that you care. Thanks.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 10 months ago
  7. * Belle says:


    Back at you, babe. Thanks.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 10 months ago
  8. * Penny says:

    Wow. Your dad’s a real charmer.
    Here’s a toast to you, Average Jane. Here’s to you not being a chip off the ole’ block. ‘Cause you’re pretty amazing on your own merits.

    Charm is one word for it. He was a good father, but once he didn’t have us kids to worry about, he just gave up on himself, his marriage, and sometimes us kids. You’re pretty darn amazing too, m’lady!

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 10 months ago
  9. * Doc Think says:

    Stumbled on your post when I am thinking alot about my dad. Okay, not so much alot as almost constantly.
    Here’s the thing. Our parents are simply people. And I forget that sometimes. When my mom was railing in the most abusive fashion last week, I thought that it was about me. But it wasn’t. It was about her, and her pain losing her spouse of 60 years. And I had to remember that she is not just my mom, but that she is a woman. Being a parent does NOT confer super-powers (I know I didn’t get them).
    Now, that doesn’t mean that I liked her. For about 14 hours, I didn’t. Then I looked at her and saw a very frightened woman. And I realized that it wasn’t mine to forgive. It wasn’t about me.
    I hope that you continue to love your dad–in the realistic way that you do. When I saw my dad on Father’s Day I sat on a couch and stared at him laid out in his suit surrounded by roses and bouquets. And I wished that I could tell him how much I loved him. And then I did.

    Thank you for this. Truly.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 10 months ago

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