Average Jane


Inscrubnito: (n) The state of delusion one enters when going out in public dressed in tattered, dirty, mismatched, or otherwise “not hot” attire. One believes, while inscrubnito, that no one notices them or would recognize them, especially not in sunglasses and oversize hat. This is typically (unfortunately) only a delusion.

Tonight was a bad night, and by “bad” I just mean I was having some self control issues that required I get the F out of the house before I did something I’d regret. So, what’s a girl to do?

I called up my new, totally fabulous suburb-a-friend, Carrie M., and we hit the *bux. With about 50 to choose from, we had to settle on the only one on this side of suburbahell open past 9pm.

The decision was made at 9:06, and I was still clad in mildy sweaty gym clothes. With Carrie M. barely willing to put shoes on, I decided this would not be a high maintenance evening out. I threw on my baggy, il-fitted jeans, left on my ugliest, threadbare pink workout t-shirt (replete with sports bra visible through thinning fabric) , and threw my Nats hat over my ratty ponytail, cocking it ever so slightly to the right hand side. I was… inscrubnito,

I was ready for a night of girly indulgence.

When I arrived, she and her moo-dog Misty were sat outside Dunkin Donuts, a much better option for coffee, to be honest. I had been craving it all day. Based on recent DC blog posts, I could, should I so desire, blame the fact that we ended up at the only Starbucks next to a Dunkin Donuts on the recently made popular concept of synchronicity… if I understood it. However, I will not. Moving on.

We plopped down outside donut heaven and I settled into my iced decaf coffee. Within 10 minutes my “happy place” mentality was spoiled by nothing better than a high school sighting. This was my rival, my foil. She was there with her man-friend, presumably “boyfriend”, and I was there, looking craptastic, and lamenting to my girlfriend about, ya know, girly things…

Then I realized, I was inscrubnito. She wouldn’t have a clue who I was. My hair was a mess, and covered by a rockin’ red hat. My clothes were mismatched and hung off my body in the least flattering of ways.

It’s a fabulous tactic to explore.

Women talk about being invisible in such a negative way, but surely there has to be a way to use this invisibility for good. Like… judging kids from high school without having them engage you in awkward and unwelcome small talk about their job you don’t care about and their relationship you, well, don’t care about. Oh, and their family you don’t care about, either.

Anyway, I think I’ll leave you with that. If you ever see me out in public looking like absolute hell, don’t pity me, and don’t worry that I didn’t looking the mirror before leaving the house… I probably did, and just didn’t give a f*ck.


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  1. * Roosh says:

    The starbucks in barnes & noble on rockville pike stays open until 11:30 on weekdays

    We considered this option, but decided we didn’t want to go that far. We live on the other side of suburbahell. Not to mention there was no Dunkin Donuts there. And far more random bikers. But agreed, that *bucks does kind of rule in its “open lateness”.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 9 months ago
  2. * carrie m says:

    um, YOU didn’t want to go that far my dear. I still won since the one we went to is closer to my place.

    dude, I was in my scrubtastic summer outfit of the new camo shorts and black sleep shirt. hooooooooottttt.

    love ya.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 9 months ago
  3. * matt says:

    Smartass. šŸ™‚

    You should be a private dick.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 9 months ago
  4. * Sam says:

    This reminds me of a fascinating passage from Jean Paul Sartre’s unfortunately-titled (particularly for this blog) exploration of identity in “Anti-Semite and Jew.” Sarter contends that no I’m just f’ing with you, I’m not going to psychoanalyze or turn your life into fodder for a philosophical musing but, like, maybe once a week. šŸ™‚

    Good read. By the way, per your earlier advice, I had a pint of blue moon and the bar around the corner from work, and you *did* say you were buying….

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 9 months ago
  5. * Justin says:


    I believe, dear, that we discussed this very condition on your last post — only I didn’t know it had a word: inscrubnito.

    A new maxim, then: Love inscrubnito is love, alas. Especially in Giant. šŸ˜‰

    p.s. And thank you for your very, very kind words.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 9 months ago
  6. * Lisa says:

    I love this! I go out inscrubnito all the time – I just didn’t realize it!

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 9 months ago
  7. * ceecee says:

    Hmm, inscrubnito eh? Well then, I might just use this word – it describes me every so often when I don’t feel like dressing in untattered clothes šŸ˜€ To be honest, it feels good to be inscrubnito sometimes – it’s a hard job looking beautiful so why not take a break? šŸ˜‰

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 9 months ago
  8. * Martin says:

    I make a point of running errands near my building inscrubnito. Why? Because putting on my Friday night best just to stand in an aisle shuffling my feet, carrying a basket full of freezer goods? That’s just silly.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 9 months ago
  9. * matt says:

    Still alive!

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 9 months ago

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