Average Jane



I totally saw reality TV being made

As I pulled up to the bar and peered in, my heart sank with the gravity of the situation: I had inadvertently shown up on WAKA flipcup night. Again. I would like the record to show that I do not under normal circumstances patronize Union Jacks in Bethesda, but at the request of my out of town friend, we met there for a late dinner and drinks.

With a small army of beer guzzling, suburbanite kickball players sitting around pre-gaming the impending flipcup tourney, I was petrified that the night would be a wash… that was until I noticed another small army at the very same bar… Bikers. And lots of them.

But bikers? In Bethesda? As much as I had hoped the legion of flipcuppers were, in fact, part of a dream… they were real, and so were the bikers. All 25 of them. I turned to my friend and asked, fearful of the response… “Biker AND Kickball night?”

Genius, pure genius. I would have paid just to watch.

“Oh… they’re filming ‘Wife Swap’ tonight… some old guy from Potomac and this biker chick. These guys are just props.” F-ing RAD, dude! A TV show and an impending frat-boy-on-biker-brawl in one night? It was like Christmas… for a Jew… in September.

I took my seat at the bar and waited for the hijinx to begin. I was mildly disappointed.

“These aren’t really bikers. They’re lawyers and doctors in stupid outfits,” my friend lamented. He was right. Suburbia has very little to offer in terms of people with personality, after all. To be fair, one of the bikers told me that they were Vietnam Vets and Policemen who rode together for charity.

Fake bikers -1, Flipcup kickballers- 0.

After about an hour, I saw release forms being signed by all the leather-clad suburbabikers and the camera finally showed up. The husband was tall, bald, and very wealthy looking. The swapped wife was… buxom. And blond. And had big boobs. And her boobs were enormous. And she had these ridiculous knockers. Um… and she was blond. They had all the bikers gather around the “couple” and then the wife started ordering drinks.

Before I knew it, this WAKA guy came up with a genius plan. “SHOTS!!!” He managed to wrangle the attention of the “wife” away from the “bikers” and ordered a round… on him. (or his mom. or whatever.) The “wife” was all for it. Her stilettos, bustier, and mini jean skirt set her apart from the crowd, so she was easy to spot as she walked to the bar. I spotted the producer whisper, “Only two drinks! Watch yourself!” Oh, the little moments we suckers miss as we watch reality TV so blissfully ignorant of its complete lack of reality.

She took her new young friend back into the crowd of leather to take her shots in front of the camera. I lost track of her after a while, but noticed her “husband” seated awkwardly, a black bandana crooked on his head.

Finally, flip cup had officially begun and the bikers had all but cleared out of the bar. They were a more sophisticated crowd than Union Jacks has probably ever had, and they had to be bribed to come. What were the chances they’d find a bunch of bikers naturally hanging out anywhere in Montgomery County, MD. “You can’t ask for publicity like this!” the bar owner remarked. Perhaps Jack’s will turn into a biker bar and I can actually start hanging out there properly.

I don’t know… the whole night was entertaining for me, even though it was completely fabricated. (First of all, flip cup night is never that tame.) But I don’t think I really care that reality TV isn’t real. Maybe I just feel bad that someone out there still thinks it is.

Have you ever been caught in the throes of reality TV?

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Comments

  1. * Beach Bum says:

    When I lived in NYC I worked in the Trump Tower during the first season of the apprentice (their apartment was on top of our offices/store). When the auditions were going on, there were huge lines around the block (at the time we thought Trump was looking for a new assistant — that’s what we were told). Then we had to live with cameras all over the lobby, escalators, etc. (None of us ever ended up on TV, though I’m sure there are tons of shots of us out there, but I knew all the doormen and elevator guys — all of them real workers of the building, it was quite exciting to see them on TV!).

    At one of the episodes in the boardroom Trump complained about the banging noise of the construction — that was us! (Well, not me directly as my office job had nothing to do with banging things, but my company’s millions of dollars worth of renovation.)

    One day out for lunch they were filming Trump’s car pulling in front of the building. Pull up. Back up. Pull up. Back up. Pull up. Back up. At least 10 shots to get the perfect shot of the car arriving even though they already had the whole lane blocked and all shots looked exactly the same (in my untrained eyes).

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 9 months ago
  2. Not reality TV, but I was inadvertently in “Sabrina the Teenage Witch Goes to Rome”. You can see me on the Spanish Steps.

    I was also (on purpose) an extra in Chris Rock’s “Head of State”. I played “Urban Youth”. You can see me in the scene where he goes through the police barracade to run into the burning bldg to save Miss Pearl’s cat. The movie sux so much that it’s not worth renting, but if it’s on cable, you can look for me in that scene.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 9 months ago
  3. * Carrie M says:

    I’m almost as amused with the fact that HIN is in Sabrina the teenage witch as I am with the blog entry.

    What were the chances they’d find a bunch of bikers naturally hanging out anywhere in Montgomery County, MD.

    Um, helllooooo? bike night at Barnes and Noble on the Pike?! It’s really quite…something.

    If you were ever going to set foot in Union Jack’s, this is the perfect circumstance.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 9 months ago
  4. * jess says:

    I worked for a local TV news station in mid-Missouri (yes, by choice…) which was like a reality show because so many unbelievable things happened. Including the folks who would ask me if I worked for ‘the TV’ despite the large NBC peacock on the side of the truck I drove….

    This post made me giggle. A lot.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 9 months ago
  5. * dailycraziness says:

    I’m totally sad I missed it! It sounds almost as fun as the political drama I witnessed last night. Bikers v. old people who think they’re important. I think Bikers win :p

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 9 months ago
  6. * freckledk says:

    Do you remember Elimidate? I was in a bar in Boston, watching the Sox go for the pennant, when the contestants, producers, cameramen, etc. came spilling in. They asked us to be stand-ins – and to stand in the immediate background and have an animated conversation without actually making a sound.

    The first dude out spent the rest of the night drinking with us.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 9 months ago
  7. * Sam says:

    On my way home I walk passed the corner of North Cap and LA ave where all the network news DC correspondents set up for their establishing shots with the Senate and Capitol dome in the background, so I’m on TV at least once every two weeks behind whoever’s staked out that particular corner for the day (usually Fox News, but last week it was Telemundo! Ariba!)

    My parents still call to say they saw me on TV when it happens. It’s little things like that which remind me they’re still annoying. 🙂

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 9 months ago
  8. * Justin says:

    1) I legitimately miss MontCo. Like, seriously.
    2) How did your out-of-town friend react?

    1) Moco TOTALLY misses you, too, baby!
    2) He’s a friend of the bar, so he was less than surprised at the antics. Unfortunately.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 9 months ago
  9. * Kathryn says:

    Reality TV isn’t reality TV – it’s just unscripted. The closest thing to reality was the first Real World – where no one knew what to expect. Every thing else is just a game.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 9 months ago
  10. * blueseaglass says:

    Cool.

    Waka scares me FYI.

    I always go to adams morgan by accident when they are there.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 7 months ago


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