Average Jane

The guy with the girlfriend

You know that guy? The one with the girlfriend? The one that is absolutely perfect and lovely and funny and smart and attractive? And has a girlfriend?

Well, I happen to have an amazing way with that guy. And by “way” I guess I mean I am inadvertently, or possibly subconsciously, completely attracted to that guy. More than that, and what bothers/perplexes me the most, is that that guy is completely drawn to me.

I have a theory that I am “safe” for men. I am the girl that guys can flirt with and never take home. I am the strip-club-appreciating, football-playing, politically-motivated girl that every guy thinks they want to date. In reality, though, they don’t want to date me. They want to flirt with me and then go home with the hot little blond in the corner with no opinion or mind of her own, but one hell of a rack. And because I am completely naive, I don’t even notice these guys are flirting with me until long after I have left the bar.

“Dude, the bartender was totally flirting with you!” Spoon said as we left the bar.

“No he wasn’t. He has a girlfriend. He said so,” I naively replied.

“Jane, you’re an idiot. He was flirting with you,” the group chimed in.

Why am I so oblivious to such behavior? Another symptom of low self-esteem? And while we’re on the subject of my dating issues, why am I so drawn to men with girlfriends even before I know they have girlfriends? And most of the time well after I know they have girlfriends? Just as they don’t want to go home with me, am I attracted to the fact that they are safe? That they are taken so I really have no chance? And since I have no chance it’s a-ok to chat them up without worrying about getting hurt, or getting close, or getting to know them at all?

The truth of the matter is, I almost hooked up with a married man once. I would have been the other woman, but I stopped it. I stopped it before it went to far, but not for one moment because I didn’t want to. I stopped it because his wife didn’t deserve it. His wife didn’t deserve that pain. I didn’t care that he was an infidel regardless of our lack of physical intimacy. He was an infidel because he wanted it, and I was an adulteress because I wanted it too. And what’s sad is that if came to me years from now, single, and said he wanted me to run away with him… I just don’t know if I could say “no”. I don’t know if I’d want to. The infidel and the adulteress. And he wasn’t the only one.

Every time I play with fire. Every time feed their lustful desires for something new, something dangerous. I’m ok in that role, but I never let it go too far. Unless it went to far the moment I had to consider it.

OK. So I’m a little buzzed right now… And tomorrow I leave for the wedding that I am dreading for any number of reasons. It’s going to be beautiful, but lonely for sure.

Forgive my rambling. This post should have been way better, but I’m just not capable of anything deeper than this right now. I just don’t have the power.

So, go on… tell me why men who are off the market are so drawn to me? And why the hell I’m so drawn to them? You all know me better than anyone so tell me where I go wrong.


Trackbacks & Pingbacks

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  1. * matt says:

    “And while we’re on the subject of my dating issues, why am I so drawn to men with girlfriends even before I know they have girlfriends?”

    Attractive people tend to already have spouses-in-progress, which you must interrupt. Pep talk: I think you have it in you, you little home-wrecker.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 8 months ago
  2. * Mateo_G says:

    Being unavailable relaxes men. They give off a more care free confidence that women really key in on. They can also safely flirt knowing they have something at home and don’t feel pressure to score.

    When men are single, we are more aggressive and this can raise a girls defenses fast. At least, those that don’t display the more alpha male characteristic of playful indifference.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 8 months ago
  3. * Jeff says:

    Jane, Cut youself some slack… here’s why. The fact you are admiting to be capable of screwing up (no pun intended) in this way shows you’re stonger and more honest than most. The fact you even considered the guy’s wife, much less opted out, shows you are an honorable person. I have been the infidel… you saw it unfold from the front row. Yeah… my marriage was crumbling, but it was all my fault… and I know she didn’t care about the pain my wife would go through.

    So, the fact you struggle with this makes you human. Just keep strong and remember these guys are not in a good place… at all.

    Give yourself the credit you deserve for honestly struggling with this.

    You will find “him” whoever he is… hang in there!

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 8 months ago
  4. * Sam says:

    Matt is generally correct when he asserts that the men you find attractive are also found attractive by other females, which leads them to be more likely to have a significant other than, let’s say, the men you find completely hideous. The caveat I’d like to add is that it is simply not the case that *all* attractive men have girlfriends already who happened to find them before you did. There are single guys out there that you’re attractive to who should have girlfriends but don’t (presumably because they haven’t met you yet).

    You probably just haven’t come across one of them in a little while now.

    That being said, the larger issue you raised was: are you datable? Truth be told, I don’t know you in real life, so I can’t answer that question completely; however, I would caution you from thinking that you’re somehow less datable than “the hot little blond in the corner with no opinion or mind of her own, but one hell of a rack.” That girl isn’t datable–she’s bangable. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you this, but we’re pretty stupid, guys are. The girl we take home with us isn’t always the one we want to date. As often as not, it’s the girl we want to fool around with once or twice and then never speak to again. Or the low-hanging fruit, the easy girl who seems to like us a whole lot more than we like ourselves. But there’s no revealing truth held about yourself contained within the dichtomy between the sort of girl we want to date and the sort of girl we want to fuck, so please don’t make the mistake of reading anything into who a guy goes home with if he doesn’t go home with you. It has no bearing whatsoever on your self-worth as a female member of the species.

    Sounds to me like beyond a bit of obliviousness about who is flirting with you and who isn’t, you seem to be doing just fine.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 8 months ago
  5. * noelle says:

    I would take it as flattery, as annoying as it is that you tend to attract guys who have girlfriends. Like everyone else stated, they probably feel really comfortable around you and maybe wish they were dating a girl like you rather than the girl they’re w/. Just remember, just b/c these guys have gf’s doesn’t mean they’re happy, and if they were happy they probably wouldn’t be flirting w/ you..although they are guys and guys flirt!

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 8 months ago
  6. * Facebook Campaign! says:

    I would basically adopt a scorched earth policy. Fuck em all. Let divorce lawyers sort it out.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 8 months ago
  7. * Patricia says:

    I enjoy your blog a lot, but as a girl with a good looking boyfriend, I worry about girls like you being tempting for my man. I know my guy should be strong enough to shun any advances by any females, not that I’m accusing you of this, but he’s a guy and is only human. I’m sorry the perfect, most beautiful one is “in a relationship”…it’s very strange that he’s going out of his way to contact you! I used to be “the other woman” or my ex boyfriend used to get a lot of shit he didn’t deserve from me, but now that I’ve met my match, my heart has totally changed and I would die before I let anything happen to our relationship, yet time and life changes and has ups and downs and everyone has phases like the moon. I worry too much. I just hope that you always think about the girlfriends when you are eyeing a taken one. Again, I realize that you prob. aren’t making advances, guys are PIGS! 🙂

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 8 months ago
  8. * Ibid says:

    I’ve known some women who were into unavailable guys as a self defense mechanism. If they can’t possibly get the guy then they have a reason not to get into a relationship and make themselves emotionally vulnerable.

    There must be a pheromone or something. Most guys will tell you that the moment they’re taken all these women come out of the woodwork. Months of absolutely nothing and suddenly it’s hot and cold running ladies. But the moment that relationship ends … well, there’s lots of fish in the sea, but we’re in the Sahara.
    Go ahead. Ask your guy friends.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 8 months ago
  9. * LJ says:

    I think some guys with girlfriends flirt because it’s safe. They are *typically* not planning on acting on it and likely find the person attractive and feel they aren’t putting themselves out there to the extent they would be if they were to actually be single and available. Just a thought…

    Oh and to put it succinctly, to confuse females 🙂

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 7 months ago
  10. * Miss Beth says:

    My comment is to Patricia… the way you describe the scenario of the woman tempting the man, the man ie pig, possibly giving in to the temptation, you are giving a green light to the situation. It’s as though it isn’t his fault… he’s only a man. It is that mind set that perpetuates this kind of behavior. Attention is just as attractive to men as it is to women and who doesn’t like a little positive reinforcement everyonce and a while. That said if a person is able to restain themselves from a person who they are not attracted who is “tempting” them while they are in a relationship, then there is absolutley NO reason why they shouldn’t resist someone who is attractive.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 1 month ago
    • * joe says:

      “the man ie pig.” Oh Beth you sound charming. What ever men have done to you to make you so bitter I can guarantee has been done to me by women 10 times over. Of course I’ve never met any of these man pigs except when a women was cheating on, snubbing me for, dumping me in favour of , or complaining about them to me. Not necessarily in that order. Most guys are not pigs it’s just that women rabidly fight over the few that are. Actually if a guy doesn’t have a girl friend and it’s not because a women stole him herself then she doesn’t want him. So don’t blame guys for switching out while they still have a girl friend. It’s like letting your health insurance lapse, sorry once your without for a few weeks your pre excluded and will be dined when need it most. Guys shallowly see a women and think hey she’s attractive physically I want to get to know what’s under the surface as well. If she’s single great. If she hasn’t slept with 40 guys even better and is disease free even better. Women on the other hand are all about your persona , what people think of you , what you own , control and can do for them. Will being with you make them seem more popular ? Are you one of guys other girls seem to want to date ? Have lots of other women been sleeping with you ? They call this personality. Then one day they meet a guy who knows how to oink like a pig even though he’s secretly a stallion , and think oh the rare gem. No he’s an imposter pig who got tired of being ignored , and realized women want to have their bacon and eat it to.

      | Reply Posted 8 years, 5 months ago
      • * ruby says:

        i don’t think beth sounds bitter at all, sounds more like you are the bitter one IMO… she isn’t bashing guys at all, she was just saying that the rules are the same regardless of whether you’re a guy or a girl. sure, a girl like that can “tempt” patricia’s boyfriend but who’s to say he wasn’t doing the same? and vice versa, for single men and women who are in a relationship. i am sure you know how it is.

        Posted 7 years, 11 months ago
  11. * Maggie says:

    I tend to have this exact same problem. Guys flirt with me, I’m oblivious, there are 100 guys at the bar and I choose the One with the girlfriend. This hasn’t just happened once or twice, it’s happened numerous times. I flirt, they flirt, they ask for my number, I give it out and after spending the entire night talking, flirting and dancing I hear a friend in the background mention something about the girlfriend waiting at home. When asked about it, he tells the truth which almost makes it harder because that should make me want to slap him in the face and walk-off but it doesn’t, it makes me like him more for his honesty. Sad, I know.

    Anyway, I’ve spent countless hours trying to figure out my attraction “problem” I’ve finally narrowed it down to 3 things.

    1) Typically this happens when I’m trying to prove something to myself. Such as I pick a guy who I think is completely out of my league (I to suffer from low self-esteem) and go flirt with him. When he takes the bait I’m pumped!

    2) Once I find out he has a girlfriend, game on! I can flirt as much as I want because I know if he has any self-control nothing well happen so it’s harmless. I.e. No chance of me getting hurt.

    3) I love the chase!

    However, beware because if you let the guy with the girlfriend in there is a 99% guarantee of getting hurt. Trust me. Guard up!

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 8 months ago
  12. * Girl who understands says:

    You have no idea how much better this blog made me feel.
    The boy I like has a girlfriend. They’re really cute together but she’s living somewhere else right now so he’s back at home…with me.

    I throw parties at my house and dress up specifically for him, and he eats it right up. We are completely drawn to each other and i honestly don’t recall anything from these nights except being with him. When our foreheads were together one night, i stopped it there. I also thought of the girlfriend.

    I agree too much with Maggie, that if the boy cheats on her with you, you will be the one getting hurt. You’ll always know that he could at any moment do the same to you.

    You’re too nice of a person it seems for this, keep flirting, you’ll find a single one (:

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 7 months ago
  13. * steve says:

    You are a special breed indeed. I met my current girlfriend, with whom I’ve been for a couple of yeras now…when I was married. I had been married for a couple of years (married at 23 years old) with my high-school girlfriend. I dont know if women detect it but all of a sudden I started to meet attractive and interesting girls by accident. Stating my married state, and guilt, usually put a stop to all flirting. But I became unhappy in that relationship at one point and starting doing more stuff with friends, thus appearing single at parties and such. So I met my current girlfriend at one such party. I admitted I was married but unhappy. She didnt care, she wanted me. A month later I left my wife, we divorced, and I lived happily with this girl for more than a year. Lately I havent been feeling satisfied with this relationship and by a freak chance, I met a girl online and started chatting her up. I havent done anything beyond this, but i have admitted my attraction to her. She told me how she felt she was always falling for taken guys. That she’s the girl that guys cheat on their GFs with. I dont know what to say… But I do know that if I had been single, and met this wonderfull girl, I *would obviously* date her! At the same time, she’s probably thinking that she’s not good enough for me to leave my girlfriend for. That’s because I dont know if I’m ready to do that, not because of her. I still love my girlfriend but maybe not facing up to the fact that she isnt the one for me? Trust me, it’s confusing and wracking my nerves at times. Irony would have it that if I go single again, I wouldnt find anyone….

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 7 months ago
  14. * Gene says:

    I think people are confusing having a “girlfriend” of “boyfriend” with “marriage.” Just my two cents. I think it is very wrong to cheat on someone under any circumstances, whether you’re dating or married, but the reason you’re not married is because you aren’t ready to make that commitment yet.

    In short, I think it’s fair game, as long as you are honest before anything becomes physical.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 7 months ago
    • * FluffnStuff says:

      Greg – I agree. Married – no game in the field. Single – all’s fair.

      | Reply Posted 3 years, 1 month ago
  15. * Fluffernutter says:

    I swear reading this blog entry was like reading my diary. I feel your pain sister!

    | Reply Posted 9 years ago
  16. * Elle says:

    I go through the same pain… This boy at my high school already has a girlfriend, and I am really drawn to him. The only difference is, that I was already in to him before I knew he had a girlfriend, but I am quite often drawn to guys with girlfriends and guys I can’t have… The sad part is, I know he thinks I am attractive, I haven’t talked to him really, but our eyes meet several times per day, and I can see that his gaze tells more than something blah. I’ve even caught him in litteraly staring in me, so WHY does this always happen to me?

    A lot of boys are drawn to me, but I only want the one I can’t have..

    | Reply Posted 8 years, 8 months ago
  17. * jo says:

    i totally understand, from janurary an associate was trying to set me up with her son note from janurary she was trying to give the son and i little hints that we would be a perfect match for each other. The son eventually called me in October after having my number form August. we talked and we connected their wasso much chemistry
    we talked and texted each other for about a week until i asked him the dreaded question “do u have a girlfriend” u gave me the obvious pause and say yes. i took
    it easy but he was not talking as if u had any, to admit i was disopponented.
    we dont really talk much after that,
    i just want to now would it be ok if we where just friends?
    and why hasnt he taken the gurl to met his family?
    life iis a mistery

    | Reply Posted 8 years, 8 months ago
  18. * Naive Girl says:

    Recently, a guy found me through a traveling blog and started to email me. He has lived my country and my city before, and seems to have a lot of fascinating experiences. We chatted online and then he quickly asked me to meet up for dinner. He seemed to be a little bit nervous and dragged his housemate to go with him. During the conversation, I felt he was not interested in me at all (coz he seemed to only talk to his housemate), and briefly mentioned his girlfriend’s name. Though he’s indeed attractive, the reality made me so upset so I decided to get him out of my system. Surprisingly, he still kept contacting me and chatted with me on the internet after our first meet-up. He told me more about his girlfriend, and expressed the pain he has been through because his girlfriend has been away for the summer for research, and might move back to her hometown afterward. Quickly, he set up another dinner date with me. I could not resist the temptation and agreed to meet him. That dinner date was absolutely romantic…to be honest, I am very armature about dating and only dated one guy in an on-and-off manner for 2 months; this guy is 6yr older than me, shares so many common interests with me, knows my language and culture well, and seems to be so apt at flirting with woman…he made a very suggestive move to take me home to “play with his dog,” but took me for froyo instead…after the second dinner date, I just could not stop thinking about him. I feel it is not right to make my heart off-guard, especially for guys who have girlfriends. He said he will come to visit me in my college in the fall…part of me warns myself to get rid of the feelings toward him, part of me still attempts to continue this “vague” relationship with him…what if one day he breaks up with his current girlfriend, I might have a chance? I don’t know what I should do…maybe I should just be upfront and ask his intentions? He is so “perfect” for me, even a little bit over qualified…I don’t really want to ruin any good moments…sigh…

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 10 months ago
  19. * adele says:

    every single guy i have ever been remotely interested in has had a girlfriend. every single one. and eventually…like months later if im still talking to them by then, i call them my “best friend” or “best guy friend” because it puts some worth to the relationship we’ve built, which has only been exactly what you described: carefree flirting without any commitment whatsoever. the saddest part is, all i want is to settle down with someone and have that kind of boyfriend girlfriend relationship. but ive become so entwined in this constant loop of wanting boys who are already taken that ive started TELLING myself that this is what i want. i want to never have a boyfriend and always have these little “side dishes” as my friends call them. and in reality i know thats not true–every night i think about what life would be like if one of my best guy friends ditched the gf and went out with me instead since we connect so much better…
    i am the safe bet. i am flirty. i am pretty—thats the first time ive ever said that but in writing this out i’ve realized there has to be a physical attraction between me AND these taken boys, the hundreds of them ive seem to come accross.
    god this is like my own blog now. ill stop. but if anyone has a reply…to clarify my thoughts a little…that would be …just fantastic.

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 10 months ago
    • * Rikki says:

      Are we twins separated at birth? I understand you perfectly!!! You verbalized exactly what I feel. It almost feels like a disease I need a vaccination against. I am so glad I found this blog, I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me. Every guy I run into has a girlfriend!!! You are not alone! I just wish they would stop flirting if they are in a committed relationship and put us all out of our misery .
      In a way maybe them being taken makes us relax and we don’t have pressure like when we meet someone that’s single. When we have that carefree attitude it makes us more attractive and open.
      On the other hand, we might be flirting with these guys b/c we are competitive and subconsciously we want to see if we can win (I know this isn’t complimentary but it’s a possibility).

      | Reply Posted 7 years, 7 months ago
    • * Amber says:

      I don’t have a solution for you. but I could have written this myself. I can’t tell you how much I relate to you, or how it feels to be pushed to the side as a secondary “friend”.

      | Reply Posted 4 years, 8 months ago
  20. * 99bottlesofbeer says:

    Most of you girls with this “problem” are just filtering out the boys you don’t like and zeroing in on boys with unique facial features (pretty eyes, muscles, nice hair etc.) If it is not that then it was the way the boy held himself and commanded attention from others. Saying that you only fall for boys who are taken is just an excuse to not date the plethora of other boys out there. Also you fail to realize that you simply aren’t pretty enough for a long-term thing with your chosen male. You’re getting your egos pumped up to make you believe that you’re a 9 when in fact you’re probably just a 6 or 7 and the guy wants casual sex. What you don’t want to seem to admit is that if these features attracted you then they probably attracted some other girl as well. And that girl was probably prettier. Sorry. There is no way that you can’t find a boy without a girlfriend. We’re drowning in too many single boys as it is who have to look from afar as that one flashy guy gets the attention of all the girls. Just read the internet. It’s full of guys who wail over the fact that they were forced to join World of Warcraft for some attention while all the girls flutter around one or two jocks/musicians. What’s worse is your behavior after being with these chosen few males who bang you and leave. You wait. You abstain from sexual relations with regular guys, the boys you should be with, because you think you deserve better. That and as females you ignore the sexual cravings of all the other boys who want you. You deem them irrelevant and simply add to the bitterness out there. You are born to be a sexual doormat for many guys, not just one or two superstuds. When you hold off on allowing regular guys be with you, the regular girl, they have no outlet for their manhood. This is why we have scores of celibate guys shooting up gyms and stuff. What women don’t understand is that sex with a semi-decent woman is like a cleansing of the mind. Sex saves the man from self-doubt and agony. That is your role but you seem to believe in some dumb fantasy that you’ll marry a surfer rockstar. No. You are a basic model. Generic. Interchangeable. You are designed for men to experiment with, and ultimately up to you to protect your reputation. But at the pace most of you females are going you are probably ending up with long periods of loneliness, while your male counterparts suffer a similar fate. Except theirs is worse because unlike you they cannot fulfill their sex drive by pointing at a stranger and saying take me. They must languish in the suffering that is played by your hand. The duty of every female, who does not marry the first male she has sex with, is nothing less than to quell the passions of the male – on demand. Not this stupid hemming and hawing wasting your youth and sexual energy on a Twilight fantasy. All of you mediocre girls should attempt to live like porn stars. That is the only way males will truly appreciate you. Doesn’t make sense to you. But it does to us. Take a look at how much attention porn stars get at trade shows. The men love what she represents. They hate her past, but her future is so enticing! That is what you should be like. All of you plain girls. The fact that all of you don’t do this is astounding, as if you think that having the attention of “one special guy” will be enough to help you survive later in life sans beauty. Newsflash: Most people in poverty are old women, women who have been essentially “thrown out” by the men they pined for.

    Women tend to project what they find attractive in a man into what they think a man is attracted to. So a woman would say “I like confident men, they should like a confident woman and overlook it if I’m 45!” A man, however, isn’t attracted to confidence in of itself like women are. So a man doesn’t care if a woman owns a business. All a guy thinks is great, when I leave her she won’t bother me for cash. A guy also won’t sleep with an old woman no matter how ballsy or how rich she is. Who cares? She’s old. So going after degrees and stuff should be reserved for women who already have kids or those that like being cranky spinsters. A woman’s value is 75% predicated on her beauty. No amount of jezebel blogging can change this simple effect. That beauty is limited to maybe 20 years. That’s not a lot of time. All the women in the corporate world who tell themselves that they have their job due to their skills etc. etc. will be in for a rude awakening when the newer girl on the block takes her old desk. It was not brains that got her hired, it is not brains that will save her from termination. No she is there in that office as an ornament for the CEO or as a way to lure in wandering customers. Men sneer at women who complain at the state of affairs simply because women’s lives are cushioned due to their beauty. The least they could do is pony up a crazy blowjob to lovelorn males once in a while.

    With sex as shameless as it is today the fact that most females give their attentions to a handful of baseball players is a travesty. A travesty of ego that will spell doom for the girls who flaunt it in the eyes of the hundreds of guys she won’t consider until she turns old and senile. When this happens to too many guys you end up with a nation of potential manics. Sex and a man’s ability to acquire it from attractive females is the epicenter of his soul and thus most affected by depression when it is denied.

    We don’t care about you going to school or going to Haiti to save the orphans or anything like that. Just be pretty and sexual and you’ll have our protection. It can happen, there’s tons of girls online (albeit in poor countries with more women than men) that live like sex stars. If the men get jealous that is the male’s problem.

    You girls have forgotten that you are simply sexual repositories. Nothing more. Nothing less. Example: Whenever a girl shows up in a TV sitcom, you know someone is going to start sexual relations with her. The show might have been about 4 guys fly-fishing up until that point, but once an attractive female even enters the frame the audience suspects that there’s a romantic plot. The point is femininity is sexual. You are a competitive vessel that lives and breathes for men to battle for the right to your pleasures. This is where all the job offers, TV appearances, door holding, free drinks, saved seats and witty conversation comes from. Not from your smarts. Or your uniqueness. Or your narcissistic novel that nobody cares about. It’s your sex. Now we live in the age of sex without consequence, yet you insult everyone around you by adding nonsensical consequences of status to the mix. Eventually someday prostitution will be made legal again because in this climate all that females do is deny release, dominance and pleasure from most men while giving this self-esteem to the rare male. Your power structure must be trivialized. Right now you are treating males like they are jokes. But sex is serious business for men. You may not think it is the focal point of the universe, but others do and the fact that you don’t care paints you as traitors.

    You blossom into beauties for the sake of making beautiful babies. Not for the sake of being seen with a guy that everyone admires. Or to have a million accessories in your closet. Or to use it to get jobs on the fly. No these are superfluous reasons. Your good life is only measured in the degree of poise and beauty you can offer the world. Once it is gone you essentially disappear to men. It’s not right, but whatever. If you use your youth going after idiotic female treats rather than satisfying the awesome male sex drive then you are wasting your life. You have expiration dates that cancel out your magic powers. When you shirk your intended role as a sex hole and deny everyone a dose of your crotch ambrosia you simply pen up the anger of the men around you who you constantly ignore. Men in general are losing sympathy for women – and why should we if you pant over a couple guys out of thousands, have their kids and expect us to pick up the debris from another male. No young guy wants that. That and once you hit 35 you’ll find all of the favors and offers vanish like it was some sort of virtual reality program. Just keep acting like a shy school marm when it comes to dating at your own level. You’ll see just what I’m talking about.

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 5 months ago
    • * Average Jane says:

      Let’s see what my community members have to say… I’m fascinated.

      | Reply Posted 7 years, 5 months ago
    • * M says:

      That’s your opinion, and it’s wrong.

      | Reply Posted 2 years, 2 months ago
  21. * 99bottlesofbeer says:

    You are only fascinated because I speak the truth. Women are smart. Women can run businesses. But to give you significant economic power when you are at your most fertile is completely detrimental and destructive to the very core of society. When it comes to sex women are baby-like in their thinking. They are feckless and impatient and willing to passively abandon everything that doesn’t meet their standards as long as poverty is not an obvious threat. When you see someone that you want, you become “present-oriented” like a toddler wishing a cookie right now. You, like your sisters, respond to emotional cues rather than reason and will play a game with your very fertility in order to indulge in Kate Gosselin posturing until the wrinkles set in.

    This is a sickness. This is why men are angry. You are attempting to take everything without giving anything back but your whiny presence in return. Believe it or not you can have all the corny jobs, toilet paper degrees and chipmunk dogs you like without protest from males: give us hot sex on demand. Women who deem themselves porn stars get more out of life nowadays than the modern preening female. Even though most porn girls are golddiggers at least they offer their bodies to encourage the men. And at least they have an identifiable goal when looking for men; something to give males a proxy to achieve to get their attention. They’re only despised by men because they ask for more payment than what was really earned (A whole house for a couple cave dives in the butt? c’mon). It is a sad state of affairs when the modern golddigger is more respectable than the cretin known as – the status whore. These trophy purses collect men like makeup mirrors and toss them like crumpled energy bar wrappers. They go after the next big thrill, but what exactly even they aren’t sure of. They’re often pursuing their dreams or challenging mole hills. Obvious to all but them that the course they traverse is free of hazard, cleared by the males before her and easy as pie for the average boy, much less the soul searching Milf. They don’t know what they really want and thus say nothing of direction to the males around them often leaving it up to fate or destiny for the “perfect” guy to come along. Freed from being pinned down by male sexual demands indecision or at least listlessness rules their lives. The absolute freedoms that come from easy living has allowed legions of these females to climb male mountains looking for an at the top only to meet blue sky. Unlike a male who would be satisfied climbing a mountain of females, knowing that he is accepted as an important component to the civilization and validated by the women beneath him for his hard work, the woman who climbs the to the top can only reflect on the situation with a complaint of “Where have all the good men gone?” The answer is she’s stepping on them.

    As long as you provide hot sex you can start a feminist moon landing for all we care. Got it? You think guys like having to go to work? To go fat and bald doing the same routines everyday. Shyt, that’s women’s work! For you moderately attractive females work is like a vacation. It’s just “down time” between meeting the next bartender on Fri night. The only downside is having to deny the advances of the schlubs at the office you’re too good for. For years women worked jobs and went to school and men tolerated it because a) it often took care of the soft jobs and b) a guy with a paycheck could buy a wife and a hooker. Nowadays all but the most grueling minimum wage jobs are pre-selected for middle class white chicks. Which means fewer jobs for young males and more money in the hands of girls, who use it to restrict themselves to only a scant few studs. And these lovely females are just drifting into the role without one iota of gratitude or perspective. These overinflated snobs don’t realize that they’re really born to become lunch meat for the males, much like their grandmothers were. It’s where the term Coal Miner’s Daughter came from. It described a girl from a blue collar home who often had a series of boyfriends then a bunch of kids by age 19. In the modern age birth control has simply removed the kids. As larger and larger pools of females escape their place as shadows of males due to unearned placement in society these gratuities mask a darker truth. The women worm their way out of the submissive role of accepting sperm. They often do it so long as to not realize the devastation it has wrought. They have flipped the power dynamic in society and everyone hates it. Now most guys must resign themselves with video games, movies and porn since they can’t get an adequate female in their lives. And realize most guys will not settle on an inferior fat chick or scrubby ethnic chick who barely approximates a human being. No they demand what is considered “normal” and additionally they demand a female that advances his status with other females of similar caliber. Plump girls are an embarrassment. This makes it all the more crucial for girls with high looks to spread their attention around. On top of that females in general seemed to have separated themselves into two camps fat vs. non-fat. The indulgences of freedom working on the population of females like two sides of a coin. One camp of females seeing it as a chance to excel and make themselves more prominent for the millionaire males. The other side succumbing to sloth as the bare minimum threshold of males is raised.

    Nowadays even marginally attractive females have the beck and call of the whole society. I’m betting that you and your friends who are 6+ in looks feel no fear of losing jobs, or lacking a date saturday night or inciting the rage of a man who you’ve tempted. These are consequences that males must endure all the time. You have it easy womb-man. This is because the supply of desperate males is never-ending and thus you have a perpetual safety net that allows you to pine like a fool for guys you don’t even know. This is your hypergamy in action. Your female psychology is designed to pick up signals of the dominant or Alpha male in your presence. These cues are subliminal and you respond to them automatically. However, what is also reality is that the keeper of the Alpha title is always changing and nature has designed the female to register when the status of one man begins to overtake that of another, this even includes the males the female is courting at the moment.

    Now this is all fine and good for isolated, tribal caravans on the African Savannah, the men are not likely to change status so quickly. But in a major metropolis or a packed college town males float in and out of the Alpha title so often that the females remain in a constant state of pursuit. Their pickiness becomes elevated to newer and often unrealistic heights as the options widen like never before. Then television and rom-com crap feeds her expectation of snagging the elusive rogue with a swimmer’s body and HBO quality conversational skills. Often she will stick to a few trustworthy bastions of maleness, like the hockey team, in order to avoid choosing a weakling by mistake. Now combine that with modern birth control and the fact that most women when they do settle on one male for a few months instinctively feel something is incompatible if she doesn’t get pregnant. The dance to spinsterhood goes on.

    This is why the decision-making power over your mate choice traditionally was guided by society. They, you, suffer from delayed adolescence. This excessive narcissism is erasing reality from your minds as your best years get frittered away pretending you’re Rachel Ray. You can see this in marriage. Marriage used to be a way to guarantee a guy lots of sex and a couple babies. Marriage now has become a silly symbol of a woman’s ability to tie a guy down. This is simply because women get so much out of it due to lopsided courts and also because female narcissism has created such a pent up demand for sex that even a divorcee with 3 kids can grab a desperate hubby on the fly. Little does the dude know that subconsciously the woman does not respect a male that succumbs to her wishes and she’ll dream of fu#$ing the devil when he’s not around. It’s a feminized bear trap.

    The answer to many of these woes is to make prostitution legal. But that and more. They must make going to prostitutes a symbol of pride again instead of shame. It was this way in the Old West. For some reason during the 40’s it became really shameful for men to visit them. I think it had to do with WWII honestly, there were so many single American women compared to the returning soldiers that it would be embarrassing not to just get a docile wife.

    Anyway with prostitution legalized marriage would stabilize a little. This way husbands would feel no qualms in inviting his mistress over to bang her after the wifey’s birthday party. However we need to go one step further to target the real prize: nubile, young, middle class white chicks with a chip on their shoulder. The solution is this:

    We need to forbid companies from hiring females between the ages of 18 and 35 without steep fines.

    As horrible as it may sound the proposal makes a lot of sense. Only the truly gifted and intelligent females will escape the clause since they will be pulled in for things like cancer research and mathematics. Make no mistake this way the smart ones in your group will really stand out and the others will no longer be able to hide behind pom-pom degrees in business and liberal arts. No the majority of girls will be forced to earn their place in the world. Truly earn. They will (finally!) be pressed into using the full blossom of their fertility by becoming world class prostitutes!

    This would also delay all the unimportant things a girl wants to do, like traveling (blah!) until after 35 when she’s mostly worthless to the Western male except as a nanny. Just think the female will have earned her dues and if she wants could study all day, drink wine, look at sunsets, dance in supermarkets and go shack up with some desperate third world guy all she wants. You can do it all you like, after you’ve hit the wall.*

    *Special exceptions will apply to women who still look good at 35, they will be given allowances to have female babies (males will be aborted) so that more females will be raised that are better preserved, prettier, for longer periods of time.

    See under this law prostitution will be the most obvious and encouraged role for a girl. This would make the Western world in so many words… fantastic!!!

    Forcing women at their most fertile into sex workers will finally balance the equation and truly make America the land of kings. I’d imagine that women would price themselves according to their exclusiveness. The more beautiful and classically Coca-Cola the girl the more she can charge her services. Although expensive this gives even the most neandertal-like hoodrat a chance at getting some time with Buffy the vampire blonde if he keeps at a 9 to 5 job. No more stalkers. No more obsessions. All the beautiful women would be attainable… by law.

    Women too can form businesses and do whatever they want with the proceeds from the money. They just cannot hire 18-35 year old females as employees. This also means no volunteers, since this would mean hiring them at $0. Women would only be allowed to work as self-employed contractors. So women could form a bordello, write a book, become a celebrity, become a webmaster, a chef etc. all that is different is that there will be no more entry level jobs with corporations, no more non-profit bull$hit either domestically or in foreign countries and no more student loans for females under 35. In short most women would become moderately wealthy sex workers controlled by the government. It will be a fu%#ing paradise!

    Girls at this age can also auction off the right to have a baby with a high paying man. So instead of marriage which is too binding for our sexually ephemeral tastes instead the males pay huge sums to their ideal women for the right to impregnate and possibly protect mother and child from the trick life. Under this system men will be encouraged to protect the mother and children with his paycheck. The status coming from being able to afford the prettiest of the prostitutes.

    Additionally the girl will realize the true market value of her looks and give frustrated guys an attainable measure in order to get with her. This system will make school shootings a thing of the past, since most guys will have a girlfriend to look forward to once they enter the working world. This means you females better be ready to accept short guys, fat guys, bald guys, black guys, handicapped guys and every other stripe of guy that currently doesn’t meet your ideal. As long as they meet the price and are not contagious you have to receive them! You may not like it, but who cares! You spoiled it for yourselves already by wagging your rumps in the faces of desperate men for too long.The pleasures you offer are the center of the universe and they must be shared. And if you’re attractive, sorry hot chick, you had it coming for a long time!!

    The girl will finally earn her way to the place in life that she wants while the men will respect their end of the deal to build new products and services. It is a fair exchange of principles. And the men will truly respect money and hard work again. On top of that with all of these soft jobs now vacant there will be plenty of jobs available for wayward unemployed men. If you thought the dollar was losing value you just wait until this gets implemented!

    STDs and such will all be monitored using an Internet system of checks and balances. Women will get testing done for all the major diseases, herpes, AIDS etc. and placed in a database along with men. Men who wish to see an 18 to 35 year old must then also get tested. Anyone who is caught lying will be pulled into court and ordered to pay restitution to clients that got illnesses – maybe even lifetime restitution for irreversible viruses. It would be the new version of alimony payments.

    Sexuality is happiest when the men make up the rules for sex, the attractive women oblige and the less attractive women raise the offspring. Women already comply with a hot guy’s demand for sex, often performing porno moves for the guy in order to get his attention. Why can’t all guys get that? This way the average guy can get that lifestyle, not just good ol’ Brad Pitt.

    What’s wonderful about this situation is that it grounds the female’s expectations in reality. Reality. Not this flailing in the wind waiting forever for some pre-ordained socially sanctioned bs non-existent boyfriend while her male counterparts are left abandoned and emasculated. Right now the country is imbalanced and prone to revolution. Take a look at the Pick Up Artist community (although I know you won’t) These arrogant men only started picking apart women because they became harder to pin down for casual, life affirming sex. As you females make it harder to get the best sex on earth the more and more men will resent the opportunities given to you. Like a necklace gift given to a friend who doesn’t acknowledge it while snapping it around their neck, attractive women have taken the spoils we offered without acknowledging that we desire sex back as recompense. This is as hurtful and as bewildering as it sounds.

    If you totally take for granted the advantages we give you – and trust me the world is designed by men – then we will have little choice but to take them away from you again. Attractive women must embrace their submissiveness or we will compel her to it by force.

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 5 months ago
    • * M says:

      Wow. Interesting idea for a science fiction movie.

      | Reply Posted 2 years, 2 months ago
  22. * Ana says:

    This happens to everyone. I should know, I am the hot chick who is the rock music loving, guitar playing, video game playing, porn watching, strip club appreciating, sports enthusiast…I am also extremely pretty, nice to everyone, and getting a doctorate degree. BUT the men don’t date me. I am “too high status” so they can’t date me, I am only reserved for marriage… they date some fat/ugly/bitchy girl instead. What the hell! I’m so sick of this! But then again, you can’t be the little blond in the corner with one hell of a rack either, because then the guys will use you for sex and laugh at you afterwards…which is even worse!!!

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 3 months ago
  23. * Ana says:

    Actually I must say, I have been keeping track. Every single time I’ve been out, whether it be school, work, bars, clubs, restaurants, concerts… in the past few months about 150 or so men have hit on me. About 148 of them had girlfriends. OMG these guys are such players, wow…. what nerve! The other 2 were gay. Hmmm…. and yeah regular straight men who did not have girlfriends? Didn’t talk to me at all, they didn’t even seem attracted to me. Weird?

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 3 months ago
  24. * Ana says:

    On the bright side…if guys with girlfriends are flirting with you, then you must be HOT!!!

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 3 months ago
  25. * kelly says:

    yes. its very strange. When no one is in sight and you have no interests, potential guys in play it seems like all the guys around you arent interested. Then one day a guy out of no where wants to ask you out on a date and all his friends start to know about you, gradually getting involved in a triangle, square, pentagon love battle thing. Once one guy shows interest its like all the guys around you seem to be interested as well- they come in a pack.

    Guys are always more attractive when they are taken and admit to it. Especially when they back off(physically), keeping that fine line between girl-friend and girlfriend but they still keep in touch because they value you as a friend. It kills you knowing how loyal he is. So, i admire the girlfriend he has for picking one of the good ones. Damn. hahaha everyone will find ‘him’ eventually:)

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 8 months ago
  26. * Lauren says:

    I have been seeing a guy for a while ,we have both flirted with each other from a distance for ten years .we were both trying to find each other for a while and a friend of ours kinda hooked us up I told her if he has a gf dont give him my number.well the next day he called ,he came to see me and I feel for him fast .he explained he was seeing a girl his x and that she was only with him for money etc. but said he wasnt going back and really wanted to see were me and him could go we were not intimate until the end of the secound week ………its been two mnths now and she started calling me he has been s/eaking around and it sucks I found out she never eft but became physico called the cops on him saying he hit her and I know he wou”nt do that we recorded her saying he didnt hurt her but know he asked me to go allong wi2h him so she would drop charges he is going back to her for that reason I know that seems messed up but I understand he wants his freedom but I also know she will want to sleep with him what do I di???and he doesnt want her to know about me so tell me what do I do??please help

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 5 months ago
  27. * Izzy says:

    Oh wow, when I read this blog tears welled up in my eyes, because its my story too and to say that I subconsciously attract unavailable men is wrong, because its the last thing I would ever want, to be the other woman, to be the woman that men flirt with, not because of genuine interest but because they want to get their egos stroked. I hurts so much, because I feel like I can no longer trust my instincts and that love isn’t meant for me, that I am just for their entertainment only.
    I have been thrown for a six lately. I seriously thought that this most recent guy would be different, that the story would be different, only to find out yesterday that he has a girlfriend at home.
    It makes me so mad, because by him initiating pretty intense flirting, he has lead me on, when knowing full well that only I would be hurt in the end and because I totally believed that he was besotted with me I led my guard down and allowed my self to fall for him. I am furious, because I don’t deserve this and neither does his girlfriend. I find it totally and utterly wrong!

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 5 months ago
  28. * julia says:

    This literally describes me. I have all the qualities to make a good girlfriend. I have a 4.0 GPA in college, I go to the gym 5 days a week, and I was raised to be very well grounded and down to earth. The problem is I’ve never had a successful relationship. I want to fall in love and meet someone that can make me smile when I’m feeling down and etc. For some reason though, men with girlfriends always flirt with me, text me, sext me, whatever you know what i mean. I have never actually been in the middle of one where they ended up breaking up because, like you, I know to be considerate of others feelings in certain scenarios. And if its not the girlfriend problem, usually there is another one involved. This may include of: unsure future, long distance relationship, damaged heart from past relationships, horrible family life, etc. All in all THERE IS ALWAYS A PROBLEM WITH THESE MEN, WHEN YOU GET DOWN TO IT THEY ARE EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE. But I have realized this and to fix my problem I am going to live my love life not too to carelessly, but not too cautiously. I am going to steer away from the emotionally unavailable. Because you and I both deserve someone who is going to make us feel great and appreciate our well beings. THIS PERSON WILL BE EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE. They might have a few minor flaws, but that makes us human. So, for now, just be you and the special person will come when it is right. You sound like an amazing person, keep putting good out and good will come back to you! I believe this for myself also.

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 4 months ago
  29. * Tohav9851 says:

    добрый день! Проститутки Санкт-Петербурга и шлюхи спб [URL=http://english-spase.ru

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 1 month ago
  30. * WinnieTheDude says:

    Julia I thank you for writing your reply – these are the steps I’m now trying to take – steering away from unavailable men – which is hard because we love the challenge, novelty, non-commitment, attention (and they love the novelty and they love how carefree we are about it – so it’s excitement all round.)
    I’ve just done something real silly and told the girl that has been with this guy that I really liked for over a year now (and been in contact frequently) we were meeting up for months wilst they were together (yet in my defence he never told me they were together! Think that’s why I acted crazy – i just needed to know – he would never give me a straight answer as to whether he was together with her. Would always shun it off or say it’s just complicated, but we’re not together Anyway, I couldnt bare this ambiguity so had one too many and did something totally out of control – messaged her on facebook and then she replied asking me if something’s going on. I told her how it was – no bullshit. Then obviously he’s sent me an angry message saying neveer contact me again etc and how i have no right in messing with his life – which to some extent is true. I realise iv lost dignity doing that and I think if I oculd take it back, I would. However, what has come of it, I now have an answer (which i suppose deep down I knew already – and proves my poor self esteem because I wasnt strong enough to walk away) – and he is not single as he described, but living with this girl !!!! So a part of me wanted to hurt him – and now thinking about it despite losing control and dignity, I have closure and can move forward now. Knowing that he is a cheat – and despite me being very fond of him, I am a bit upset by it all (but not totally over that man, but over my poor self-control.) And what have I lost now? A fall-back guy! Someone that emailed me – but did he really let me in to see the real him? No. So actually, I wont be missing much, i built it up in my head.

    I just wish I valued myself more and walked away as soon as I realised he was seeing other girls – for example, we’d be at the cinema and I knew he was texting other girls. What kind of start to a relationship is that? No smoke without fire – and like I read elsewhere, this girlfriend of his probably knows what he is like, and so me telling her isn’t nothing new. Poor thing probably has less esteem than myself.

    Any way, thank you girls for all these posts. I’m 24 – and I think maybe we jst crave that excitement. Blokes with ‘unavailable’ across their forehead breathe a challenge and we suck up for it – then nine times outta ten, they feed back the attention to us and we suck this up because deep down it is what we are craving the most.
    Last example, i slept with a guy with a girl and child back in his hometown, and upon asking why he had his sights on me – he simply said, you seem fun, up for a laugh and i felt i could trust you i.e. not tell anyone/judge him. He would flirt with other (just as, if not more pretty girls) , yet only had the balls to ask me to sleep with him on the sly. But then saying that, we did have a connection there’s no denying that. Would I have been intereste in him if he didnt have a girlfriend? Probably not. And you know the most worrying thing is that I dont judge him that much. He was away from his family, maybe he wasnt happy – and furthermore, maybe when I get a boyfriend, if he was to cheat on me, I may (worryingly) shrug it off and not give a damn. I dont want this to make me cold to men and monogamy.

    So that’s why I am now distancing myself from those kinds of men. Thanks for all this enlightenment it’s a great support.

    | Reply Posted 5 years, 8 months ago
  31. * bonus points says:

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I truly appredciate yoour
    efforts and I aam waiting for your further post thanks once

    | Reply Posted 3 years, 9 months ago
  32. * D says:

    Dear Jane… I wish I had an answer? I was hoping you did, to be honest. While I’m not a hot blonde with a rack, I am the homely sweet gf next door. I’m liked by most. But my guy is too, mainly by females…. I was hoping u had advice. I’m uncertain how to handle it. They flock to him, he has this carefree nature, and they happily flirt in front of me. I’m uncertain why they seem so confident and rude to do it in front of me. I love him. But it gets to me… I proud of you for not helping that man cheat. But I do wish I understood the nature or woman and gravitating towards a taken man. I don’t think that was much help… I guess I’m just on the other side of the fence. Take care sweet heart, I hope things go better for you in the future.

    | Reply Posted 3 years, 3 months ago
  33. * assh0lez says:

    The services of finding your date have come to your doorstep.

    and you might be not having disagreements about issues.
    Multiply that price with the letters he’s already sent and you’ll see how many
    millions Reese has made.

    | Reply Posted 2 years, 3 months ago
  34. excellent issues altogether, you just won a new reader. What could you recommend about your submit that you simply made some days in the past? Any certain?

    | Reply Posted 2 years ago

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