Average Jane

You’ve gone too far, Knights. You’ve gone too far.

Being the domestic goddess that I am (*gags a little*), I had errands to run on the most gorgeous morning off the “fall”. After a short romp at the gym, I drove over to my local grocer to pick up the requisites for Mandelbread baking.

I pulled into the  parking lot, parked, and got out of my car. So far, so good. But just ahead I saw my first obstacle: The Knights of Columbus and their Tootsie Rolls. I was in no mood to navigate these muddy waters.

I know the right answer, “Yes, I do want to help the Mentally Ill.” But, no, I don’t want to give you a dollar and I don’t want a tootsie roll. OK, it’s not that I don’t *want* to give them a dollar, it’s just that I don’t like that they are standing right in front of my happy place: Giant.

AND! As if that weren’t bad enough, this year, they have pulled out all the stops in their quest to make me feel even WORSE about not taking their damn tootsie rolls.

I got past the first guy alright… the one at the “entrance” with the small dog. I thought nothing of the pup as I walked past it, lying to the Knight: “I gave last week.” JANE! No need to lie! Just ignore! Next time, I tell myself. Next time, I’ll just ignore.

So I have one of my better shopping trips. Efficient. Cost effective. Satiating. I emerge with not only my baked goods parts, but a sense of accomplishment. I am a power shopper! But as I make my way through the “exit”, I am confronted with yet another yellow vested Knight of Columbus… and his two little kids, one wielding the bucket, looking up at me with eyes of innocence (and a plea for an attorney… child labor much?). His sister stands, stacking tootsie rolls in a jenga-like pattern on the wall while their father holds the leash of nothing less than another f-ing small dog.

Now, the puppy on the “in” was one thing. But it is absolutely unacceptable to accost unsuspecting grocery store shoppers (experts at that!) with not only puppies, but small children, as well? True to my word, I played it cool. Blew right by the young boy in the offensively yellow vest asking for nothing more than a dollar… a dollar I had, but a dollar I didn’t want to give up. Not then. I knew that I would be accosted repeatedly and at some point I would acquiesce, but when I am ready. Not when I am guilted into it by the puppy dog eyes of a small, adorable little boy who was probably promised a pony if he got enough money to empty the tootsie roll stash in time for the Redskins Game.

The season of giving is beginning, I suppose. The little red kettles will soon emerge, and the Salvation Army will start making me feel even worse for not saving whoever the heck they are out there collecting money for. And I will continue to feel guilty about not giving until one day I do give.

OK. So now you all know. I have no soul. Or maybe I have such a big soul that I couldn’t handle the puppy child exploitation in the name of charity. Or maybe I just have no soul.


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  1. * jess says:

    Aaaand now I have the Tootsie Roll song in my head.
    And feel better for telling a Boy Scout outside Barnes and Noble yesterday I didn’t want any stinking popcorn he was sellin’.
    I think it’s a sign of soul-fullness if you can bypass the guilt these kiddos and puppies are perpetrating 🙂

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 8 months ago
  2. * Catherinette says:

    Next time just tell them that you’re an athiest sinner, they’ll leave you alone.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 8 months ago
  3. * Ibid says:

    On December 1 I put a jar right by where I drop my keys. All my change goes in there. Not into the Salvation Army pot. At the end of the month I count it all up and send a check for that much to my favorite charity.
    Those storefront beggars are NOT included in my pet charities list.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 8 months ago
  4. * redshrt04 says:

    I’m horrible at saying no to those kind of things. One of my biggest weaknesses this time of year is buying stupid stuff. Especially fundraisers with useless, overpriced things that I don’t want at all.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 8 months ago
  5. I’m not gonna try to make anyone feel bad here, but, sitting all day in front of a store, begging for change and getting looked at like some creep by passers-by isn’t exactly a career choice the very most of the time. So even though they might have annoying methods to have spit out a dollar or two, it’s still because they need it, way more than you and I do, like in “I need 5 dollars to eat today, plus 20 more because my shoes are starting looking awful bad, and cold…”. And I can live with 10 or twenty euros less a month, so why shouldn’t I make things an extremely tiny bit easier for some guy who most evidently doesn’t have a life nearly as eased as a tenth of mine, every once in a while?
    Why is it that people consider it an agression, if things were to go insanely wrong for me, as sadly they sometimes do, I might end up where these people are, and then I wouldn’t act any differently than they do, it’s not illegal to be in deep shit and hope for some solidarity. Of course it’s money you earned, and they didn’t, but wouldn’t they have your, or a job if they could?

    hum… I’d rather stop there, I’m not sure to stay true to what I first stated I wouldn’t do.

    but we aren’t talking about beggars. We are talking about solicitors. We are talking about volunteers. Your point is well taken, but slightly different situation.


    I like your blog.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 8 months ago
  6. * miss bee says:

    if it makes you feel any better, i only gave the dollar at sam’s club last week because i wanted the tootsie roll.

    i know, i know… in a handbasket…

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 8 months ago

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