Average Jane

Channeling the Balls of Average Jane

As my life has been lame lately (well, not really, but I haven’t been inspired to share it with you because, of course, it involves boys and, of course, you are probably sick of hearing about it), I have decided to invite a new friend/guest blogger to share her “Balls to the Walls September-Extension” story with you. Enjoy!

So, dear Jane has inspired me, and as such, I decided to take a chance and lay my balls on the table (so to speak). While searching for an ex on Facebook (always a good time, especially if they look horrible and are married, or look fabulous and are single…) I came across a man who stopped me in my tracks.  His profile was viewable, so I did.  I got goosebumps looking at his pictures, especially the one where he was staring pointedly into the camera, like he could see me.  The blue eyes, dark hair, over educated (and single) scientist who wears Snoopy ties, is also a fan of Halloween, is a self-proclaimed dork and has a very warm smile… yes, I find him quite dreamy.

After a few days of drooling over his picture, my chin was beginning to chap, so I thought: what would Jane do? And I did it. I treated my chin with aloe and sat down to type out the e-mail that I would send this amazing man whom I very much wanted to meet.  I told him his profile had stopped me, that we seemed to have similar personalities and likes, and that I would be lying if I said I didn’t think he was quite handsome as well, and would he father my children?  OK, that last bit was just in my head. I swear. And then I closed it with the fact that I just wanted to say “hi,” and that I now felt like a dork and would leave it at that.

That was 5 days ago. As far as I can tell (and Facebook does not make it terribly easy to stalk) he hasn’t been on, but his friends have posted things on his wall, and thrown livestock at him, so I believe he has received my message as well (if he is not unconscious from the cow on his head that is).

Not to sound arrogant, but I do believe my profile picture is pretty cute, so I would think that would be some sort of an incentive to reply. And, at the very least, if someone wrote that honest an e-mail to you, wouldn’t you at least say “thank you”? 

So now I’m at a loss.  Do I resend the e-mail? Do nothing and assume he got it? Throw a sheep at him? Try to add him as a friend and see if he complies?

What do you think Average Jane fans (and that includes you, Ms. Ballsy Jane)? 


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  1. Gotta leave it hanging. More than one message to a stranger is WAAACK. And creepy.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 6 months ago
  2. * Laundro says:

    I wouldn’t resend the email. I am sure he got it. Sometimes people are just slow at getting back to emails. I’d first give the benefit of the doubt. But I’d also not hold your breath if it’s been forever since you two last talked.

    I think trying to add as a friend would be a good next step.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 6 months ago
  3. * Arjewtino says:

    Leave it be and search for other jaw-droppers to e-stalk.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 6 months ago
  4. * I-66 says:

    Like a hot potato, it should be dropped.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 6 months ago
  5. * Jenny says:

    OK, the “nays” have it. I will drop it and continue on with my life. Not that my life has stopped, but I suppose I should now exhale.

    Thank you, gang! 🙂

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 6 months ago
  6. * redshrt04 says:

    You could always see if he has the mini-feed on his page… because if he does it will show you if he has actually done anything in the last five days. He might be reluctant of replying to someone online and he’s just taking his time getting up the nerves. Good luck!

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 6 months ago
  7. * Jenny says:

    Oooh! redshrt04 is good at stalking! haha! 🙂 thanks! I hope you’re right…

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 6 months ago
  8. * Ibid says:

    I would have to see the message. I get enough cons from various personal ad sites that I have to assume they all are and read them with the intent of proving it. He might have just assumed you were gonna ask him for money to bring your family over from the Congo or something.

    That or he found some deal breaker on your page.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 6 months ago
  9. * redshrt04 says:

    You could always poke him if you don’t wanna go as far as friending him… it will show up when he logs on and maybe remind him… who knows!

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 6 months ago
  10. * Jenny says:

    OK, here’s the text of the e-mail I sent him, leaving out the names, of course:

    While searching for a friend of the same name, I saw your profile and it stopped me. From what I read, it sounds like we have very similar personalities (funny, genuine, dorks…) ;), and some stuff in common, like a love of the outdoors, travel and “Grey’s Anatomy.”

    So, I thought I’d say “hi.” And now I feel like a dork, so I’ll leave it at that.

    He can’t see my profile w/o adding me as a friend, so the only deal breaker would have been my picture. And if the man thinks that’s a deal breaker, it’s no wonder he’s single! hahaha!

    Anyway, I checked his feed tonight and he’s added some people as friends, so he’s obviously been on. I’m guessing there’s no need to pursue this one any further, eh?

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 6 months ago
  11. * redshrt04 says:

    If his mini-feed says he added friends that doesn’t necessarily mean he has been on. It could be that he friend requested them earlier and they just accepted his friendship. That would cause it to be on the minifeed. Wow everyone is going to think I’m an extreme stalker now, haha.

    Your email doesn’t sound stalkerish at all… I don’t think it’d be weird if you friend requested him. That way you can tell if he denied the request… or just hasn’t accepted yet. Where it would normally say “add as friend” will be grayed out with “friend requested”until he accepts or denies the request. Plus, when you friend request him he’ll be able to see your limited profile and see that you’re not some person, like IBid said earlier, trying to get money from him or who knows what else.

    Who knows… maybe he’s not really single… or gay….or so nervous that he doesn’t know what to say. If you freak him out by friend requesting him it’s not like it will be the worst thing in the world. Why not?

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 6 months ago
  12. * Jenny says:

    Yeah, but if he got their friend requests, then he would have gotten the notice of my message too, right? And don’t you have to go on to Facebook to accept the friend requests?

    You are cracking me up with all your stalkeresque knowledge of FB, btw., rdshrt! haha!

    I’m sure the fact that I am being completely neurotic over this is no indication of why I’m still single… heh.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 6 months ago
  13. * freckledk says:

    Leave it be. I never respond to emails from men that I don’t know. He may be the same way. Or he may be gay. Or he may be straight, and attached. Don’t think of it as him rejecting YOU; think of it as him rejecting a relationship with an online stranger.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 6 months ago
  14. * I-66 says:

    Besides, if he’s a guy that likes Grey’s Anatomy, you don’t want anything to do with him anyway.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 6 months ago
  15. * carrie m says:

    let it go. he may not be all that great so don’t even sweat it – even if his profile is super-dreamy, you just never know.

    and i didn’t mean to make that rhyme.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 6 months ago
  16. * redshrt04 says:

    I am a really good facebook stalker. It scares my friends sometimes, lol.

    But with the friend requests…I’m saying that if he had friend requested people (like a week ago, or a long time ago) and THEY accepted it that would be the day it appeared.

    It’s very possible, like everyone has been saying, that he just doesn’t respond to the online thing.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 6 months ago
  17. * Whateva says:

    I’m with I-66. If a guy likes Grey’s Anatomy, he should just admit to himself and everyone else that he’s gay. The sooner the better, all he has to do is look to that actor on Grey’s (whateverthehellhisnameis) for encouragement and example.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 6 months ago
  18. * Jenny says:

    Just for the record, I know chest thumping men who like “Grey’s Anatomy,” so I’m not buying that part!

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 6 months ago
  19. * Whateva says:

    Yes, these “chest thumping” men pound their chests right before they go pound each other. Zing!

    All I’m saying is that Grey’s Anatomy is clearly a show designed for the female of the species. If a seemingly hetero guy is “into” Grey’s, he’s really “into” getting in your pants by talking about Grey’s and thereby building rapport with you. Either that, or he’s the aforementioned closet homosexual. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, it’s just a fact.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 6 months ago
  20. * I-66 says:

    While the idea of using Grey’s Anatomy to try to get into a woman’s pants seems absolutely genius, any geniusity is wiped away by the fact that it actually involves watching and paying attention to Grey’s Anatomy. And seriously? I’d rather remove my own eyes with an ice cream scoop.

    999,999 straight men out of 1,000,000 can’t be wrong. Buy it, Jenny. Cut your losses now.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 6 months ago
  21. * Whateva says:

    And seriously? I’d rather remove my own eyes with an ice cream scoop.

    I’d even go so far as an ice pick. A worse show is hard to come by, really. Preach on I-66!

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 6 months ago
  22. * redshrt04 says:

    You guys suck. Grey’s Anatomy is awesome.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 6 months ago
  23. * Jenny says:

    They do totally suck, redshrt. Men who are afraid of emotions, what a novel idea.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 6 months ago
  24. * Whateva says:

    They do totally suck, redshrt. Men who are afraid of emotions, what a novel idea.

    Jenny, emotions has nothing to do with it. I can cry on a dime if I feel like it and I’d generally say I’m emotional for a guy. I just think Grey’s Anatomy is a very poorly written soap opera that happens to be on at night with lots of overacting. You want to get in touch with your emotions, go see Gone Baby Gone, but please turn off that trash.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 5 months ago

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