Average Jane



Average Jane vs. Clueless Jew

Because I have not taken my profile off of the J-dates, I am still searchable. Joy. So after a lovely night playing board games at Big Spoon’s boyfriend’s house, I came home to check my e-mails. And I was searched. And found.

I claim 100% innocence in this one. I wasn’t even logged onto the stupid site when I got contacted. He found me. I just copy and pasted this one. It’s too good.

Please, in the comments, count up all my *zings* (that’s all the times I insulted him and he didn’t get it), subtract all the times he was a douchebag and I didn’t call him on it, and that is my “jdate survival” score for this conversation.

And… action!

Clueless Jew: hey how r u 2nite?

Average Jane: fine thanks

Clueless Jew: im sorry to disturb u

Clueless Jew: but i saw ur picture, u have a nice pair of glasses

Average Jane: where did you see me

Clueless Jew: i was browsing that jdate site

Clueless Jew: ur not good with compliments!

Average Jane: you’re not good with spelling so we’re even

Clueless Jew: why

Clueless Jew: because i said “ur”?

Average Jane: yeah. it’s a pet peeve

Clueless Jew: sorry!

Clueless Jew: one ?, how tall r u?

Clueless Jew: oops, i mean, how Tall are you? hehe

Average Jane: there ya go. English is a great language.

Average Jane: i’m 5’9”

Clueless Jew: barefoot?

Average Jane: why would someone give you their height in heels?

Clueless Jew: to pretend they are taller than they really are

Average Jane: that’s what Jewish men do. not women. we’d lie about being shorter if anything

Clueless Jew: and you are 100% jewish? hehe

Average Jane: yup. what is your jdate name? i feel like we’ve spoken before

Clueless Jew: to be honest, i dont have a profile

Average Jane: ah

Clueless Jew: i dont know, have we spoken?

Average Jane: feels like we may have. why don’t you have a profile?

Clueless Jew: im not into it

Clueless Jew: btw, ur pretty tall for a jewish girl.

Average Jane: clearly you *are* into it.

Average Jane: yeah. thanks. I know.

Clueless Jew: you are Tough.

Average Jane: meh. i’m just not… average.

Clueless Jew: you are average?

Average Jane: *sigh*

Average Jane: anyway

Clueless Jew: have you tried jdate before?

Average Jane: yes.

Clueless Jew: any luck?

Average Jane: no

Clueless Jew: i am sorry

Clueless Jew: what do you do, that you are into spelling so much?

Average Jane: I don’t think it’s my profession that causes my aversion to typing like a 13 year old girl

Average Jane: I’m pretty sure it’s the fact that I’m not a 13 year old girl.

Average Jane: But i’m in marketing.

Clueless Jew: okay

Average Jane: I write.

Clueless Jew: what is your background?

Clueless Jew: =are you the typical american jewish girl?

Average Jane: what is your background

Average Jane: what do you do

Average Jane: i think you know lots about me at this point

Clueless Jew: i dont

Clueless Jew: are you sephardic?

Average Jane: really, i don’t think we’re going to be a match. i’m sorry.

Clueless Jew: don’t be

Clueless Jew: i just didnt want to go to sleep, i was upset about the football game

Clueless Jew: so did you gain some of your toughness from being in a male dominated white collar industry like marketting?

Average Jane: LOL

Clueless Jew: thats not proper spelling either

Average Jane: ok. really. i don’t think this is going anywhere. but thanks so much for being in touch

Clueless Jew: what is your type? before you let me go…

Clueless Jew: nevermind, im sure you are just getting too much attention from guys online, sorry to disturb

Clueless Jew: but you are lucky, 5’9 is really feminine and tall

Average Jane: well, thank you for all the compliments.

Clueless Jew: you probably make a good income as well.

Average Jane: i think you should probably go

Clueless Jew: why do you say that? And then I will let you go.

Note: He didn’t actually let me go. He kept writing me.

So, how did I do?

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Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. JDateless and Loving It « Average Jane pingbacked on 6 years, 5 months ago

Comments

  1. * Arjewtino says:

    Why is it that as I read the dialogue, in my mind’s ear I “heard” his voice as spoken by a learning disabled 8-year-old?

    Funny stuff…I think you handled him well.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 5 months ago
  2. * redshrt04 says:

    “I don’t think it’s my profession that causes my aversion to typing like a 13 year old girl”

    That made me laugh out loud. Hilarious! That guy is crazy.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 5 months ago
  3. * Sam says:

    Nicely done. Very nicely done indeed. My personal favorite part was where you said you’re just not…average, and he goes “So you’re average?” and you just responded with a sigh. It wasn’t the funniest response, but it was totally the one that reeked of failure on his part the most.

    Close second: “I’m not that into J-date.” Hilarious. But hey, I can dig it. Why just the other day I was watching hockey and I was feeling depressed and I was like, “I need to hook up with a Greek Orthodox girl,” so I logged onto EligibleGreeks.com and tried to find someone who looked like she knew how to make baklava and was easy. And that’s kind of the same thing, right? But it was a one time thing that I only did on a whim. Just because you’d use a website to meet women doesn’t mean you’re lame enough to actually be into it. Those sites are for losers. Except when they work, I mean.

    You’re totally going to go the EligibleGreek.com and see if it’s a real website.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 5 months ago
  4. * Becca says:

    “you probably make a good income as well.”

    Classic!

    I just particularly love that he told you not a single thing about himself in that whole conversation. Well, he did, but not intentionally.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 5 months ago
  5. * bigspoon says:

    Hilarious. Further proof that you ARE flypaper for freaks. I was too once…it does get better!

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 5 months ago


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