Average Jane


So, the Ex was in town. Not just in town, though. He stayed with me in my lovely little suburban two bedroom palace. As I hugged him “hello” I was met with the familiar scent of Marlboro Light Menthols, a nasty little habit he had kicked as a birthday present to me just months before it ended. Our breakup could have been much cleaner, but I’m not good at breaking hearts. It ended up hurting him much more than I had intended. Perhaps because I had been so removed from the relationship for so long, I didn’t think he was as engaged as he was. He got mad — very mad. He blogged about me. He said some things that cut to my heart. And I’m quite sure I deserved every last bit of it.

But time heals all wounds. He moved to Louisiana. He got a part-time job. He moved back in with his parents. He’s taking some sort of inventory of his life. He says, “When the right job comes along I’ll take it. I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up yet.”

Bless his 27 year old heart.

He came up here to work a job with his old employer and decided to take a few extra days to see his old friends. Yesterday we went to the rental car place before I headed to work. He walked up to the counter, I sat down on a “comfy” waiting room chair. “Hi, can I help you?” the wildly attractive sales guy asked the Ex.

Just as they got talking, a voice came from the cube on the left: “Are you together?”

“NO! Erm, I mean, um — Yes. We are, but no. I mean – Yeah. We are.”


Why in God’s good name would I assume that the salesguy in the cube on the left would want to know the status of our relationship at 8:00am? Why? Was I still so sore over our soured relationship that I was just waiting for the opportunity to shout it out loud?

I don’t think my fabulously oblivious Ex even noticed the exchange, but it certainly set my little brain a-racing.

He left for the day and I went to work and I wouldn’t see him again until the next evening. Throughout the day, I thought about how nice it was to have someone at home with me last night. He turned the light on when I asked. He got me water. Generally helpful, as he always was. I thought about how having him around wasn’t so bad, really. I missed him a little.

But when he got home last night and we got to talking, I think it became perfectly clear that our lives had taken us exactly where it needed to. Our relationship, even if it had continued, would have led to no good.  We are just too different. And I don’t think that even if he reads this, which he might, he would disagree.

I had to face the facts: What makes me happy may not make other people happy. What I decide is right for me just may not be the best idea for someone else. Over the summer, I had to admit to myself that even if I didn’t like my friend’s boyfriend, it is not one tiny little bit of my business. If she loves her boyfriend and he makes her happy — what can I say? I have to support her and love her and remember that I don’t have to date him.

The exact same thing happened when I saw the Ex. Sure, he doesn’t know what he wants to be. He’s ok living at home. I’m not a fan of the people he’s chosen to date. So what? I need to learn to just shut the fuck up about it and let him be happy. Not everyone follows the College-Job-Apartment-House-Marriage-Babies timeline. Sometimes people just need to take their own paths. Right? He kept saying, “That’s the great thing about breaking up, I’m not your problem anymore.” He was never my problem. He was a good man. A good boyfriend. Just not the right one for me.

I was so lucky to have been with him. He taught me a lot. But like he said – that’s the great thing about breaking up. We get to look back and think about the good the bad and then button up that chapter of our lives… and move the fuck on.


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  1. * Lemmonex says:

    It is so impossible to shut the fuck up sometimes. I have enacted a policy of stating my feelings on something that isn’t my business one time if I think the person may value you my opinion (i.e., not liking a friends boyfriend for valid reasons) but after that, shutting my yap. As long as there isn’t abuse, it is not my place. Still, I struggle.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 3 months ago
  2. * Ibid says:

    Yeah, I’ve considered getting back together with an ex. But if I hadn’t broken free I’d still be back in some Kansas backwater.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 3 months ago

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