Average Jane



Relationship 101: The survey

This is the first part of a 2 part blog post.

Here’s the question:

Given the opportunity, upon meeting a potential match, would you want to know all their faults up front? Would you want to know their faults? If you had the opportunity to vet all of your potential mates for potential roadblocks in the future, would you? To find out ahead of time that their communication style is more like a recluse and yours is more demanding. To find out that they could pick up and move to Brazil if the spirit moved them while you know where you’ll be in 5, 10, 15 years. That you are planning for the future and they think savings are “quaint”.

Or… do you prefer the typical process of a more traditional, timely, situational discovery? You learn about their commitment issues after the 4th date and their quirky habit of toe nail picking after 2 months. You find out that they are late when you are a planner, or a planner when you threw out your watch a year ago… but only after having botched plans for the 5th time.

And tell me this, those of you who picked option “A”… if you have this knowledge, and realize that on paper things wouldn’t work out because you are “just too different”… do you give it a shot anyway if the rest of the stars align? (for “Stars” see: physical attraction, chemistry, and intellectual stimulation)

And for choice “B” pickers, do you think it hurts less or more after you’ve been in the relationship longer? The investment is there?

So… this one is all you, blog readers.

In an ideal world, what would you do? And… better yet… is that what you do in practice?

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  1. Insult to Injury « Average Jane pingbacked on 9 years, 4 months ago

Comments

  1. I would go with B, because upfront at the beginning, you might not be as inclined to compromise or try to work through some of those roadblocks. You’d be willing to walk away from something that could be amazing, just because you didn’t care enough to work through it.

    It is what I do in practice.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 4 months ago
  2. B, go for the amazing, track down roadblocks meanwhile, and give’em hell, do your best to make them wish their mom (assuming toe nail picking habits have moms) had never sent them out in the open, bashed roadblocks paved world, then return to the amazing. Damn I’m enthusiastic this morning >_>

    Besides, the A solution doesn’t take into account that what you may walk out on at the beginning of a relationship, may not be a problem two month later when you’d have naturally found out about them. People change, they do.

    You have more important things to worry about, like, issues for example… (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5tmnBeNv18 (Hell I love this band))

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 4 months ago
  3. I really think that’s part of the relationship is learning about each other’s faults. And I don’t think that there would ever be any relationships between anyone if we all knew each other’s faults up front. One of the perks of a serious relationship that lasts is being able to learn to love the faults in others or just realize they’re a part of that person. And who’s to say what is a fault?

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 4 months ago
  4. * Shannon says:

    I would go overall with Option B, except that I would want to know about my dealbreakers upfront: 1. I’m a planner, and flakiness stresses me out and makes me feel taken for granted. So no flakes. 2. If the guy doesn’t know how to argue effectively, either by saving up his grievances and unloading them all at once, or hitting me with low emotional blows. 3. Has an overall negative attitude about women, sees them as something to be conquered/controlled.

    If those dealbreakers exist, no amount of time is going to fix them. Otherwise, I’d like to find out gradually.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 4 months ago
  5. * John says:

    I’d pick B. If I knew someone’s faults going in, I probably just would not be able to even start the relationship. When you learn them over time it lessens the blow of finding them out.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 4 months ago
  6. * Penny says:

    I pick B. Because while I’m finding out about their faults and deciding whether or not I can live with that quirky habit or not, they’re finding out about mine and deciding the same thing. But hopefully during that time of discovering quirks, we’re also discovering wonderful things about each other and that we’re using those things to build a stronger foundation for a relationship.

    The tricky part is if those quirks become the reason for a break. Yeah, I think it hurts more because you’re invested. It might hurt less if you’re the one to make the break only because it’s your decision to do so and you’re slightly more prepared to deal with the consequences.

    And yes, I practice what I picked. And yes, it hurts every single time. But damn it if I wouldn’t do it the same way each and every time.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 4 months ago
  7. * Mrs. Emily says:

    B. Totally. Don’t mess with courting. Otherwise you’ll be single for the rest of your life. Be it in relationships and in life.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 4 months ago
  8. * Ibid says:

    A) I want to know all the deal breakers. I want to know if it’s all going to go up in flames because she takes idle comments and twists them into personal insults to her. If I know I’m getting hurt down the road I’m not gonna bother.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 4 months ago


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