Average Jane

Insult to Injury

He’s not a bad guy. We’ve talked every night for weeks. He warned me.

He’s a flake. He doesn’t plan. He runs hot/cold… he did warn me.

The other night he invited me up to see him for his birthday. Cheap bus ticket. Fun weekend. Chance to get to know him better. It was last minute, well, last minute for me. 3 days notice and the promise of a good time. Someone interested in me, in me, and the least I could do was be flexible. Breezy. Cool. I had minimal plans in town, so a few calls would take care of that. They’d understand.

I didn’t buy my ticket, though. I thought I could swing a ride at least one direction. I held out for an answer.

We made tentative plans. A cookout. A concert. A walk in the park.

But this morning, he says that he doesn’t know about plans. That since his friends know that he never makes plans, they’ve all made plans for him. “Great!” I say. I’ll meet them all. Whatever he wants to do, I’m excited for it.

“Oh, my friends don’t live in town.” But what does that mean? I tell him that whatever he decides, I need to know because there are tickets to buy… plans to make… He said to give him through lunch.

Lunch comes and goes and no word. We chat. I let him know that it is critical that I know something… anything.

8:15. I’m eating dinner. He pops up with an IM. His phone is dead. He’s decided to “skip town” to see his friends. He is sorry for the “lameness”. That he never would have suggested I come up if he had known “all his friends would be out of town.” I let him know that yes, it was lame. And unappreciated. He let me know it wouldn’t happen again — that we should plan on getting together in July “and beyond”.

I ask him one simple question: What would you have done if I had already bought the ticket?

“I would have sent you a check.”

My heart sunk. A check. I told him that was the wrong answer. I said I had to go. He apologized. I told him that $46 wasn’t exactly my biggest concern. I told him that I was glad he’d rather send a check than stick around to see me.

He did warn me. We were a disaster from the start. I thought I could change – be more flexible. Fly by the seat of my pants. I can’t. I tried and I got burned.

I would say that the big payoff was the insult added to the injury of being uninvited. But really, I was injured only by the dagger I held to my own heart. I asked for me.

Lesson learned.


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  1. * Shannon says:

    What a jerk! I am in awe.

    It’s one thing to be the sort of person who doesn’t plan ahead, it’s quite another to be selfish and rude. You’re well shot of him.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 1 month ago
  2. * carrie m says:

    yeeesh. I’m sorry. It feels terrible when that happens, but it’s better to know now, right? And better to know that you tried, even if it didn’t pay off. But now you can close door and feel okay about it.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 1 month ago
  3. He probably had a small penis anyway…

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 1 month ago
  4. * Ibid says:

    Wow. 500 Prat Points for Not-A-Bad-Guy.

    I don’t make plans but that’s because it’s usually just me. If there’s plans I’m doing that unless someone dies. Even then that person should probably have been me.

    Rejected response:
    So, you say you’re looking for a rebound. 😉

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 1 month ago

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