Average Jane

Alias Grace*

Friday night, my neighbors and I decided to head out for dinner at our favorite little microbrewery. We grabbed a table near the door and sat chatting on what was a pretty low-key night. We were all pretty tired. To say it was an uneventful evening may be an understatement. Until…

This girl comes up behind me. She stands there awkwardly for a moment, then puts her arm around my shoulder. I turn… don’t recognize her… but smile politely. “Hi!” I say. She doesn’t really move, but kind of keeps smiling… oddly. “Do I know you?” I ask her, finally.

“Come on… ” she says, as if I was playing some big joke on her. Then, a panicked look comes across her face. “Oh my God. You’re not Grace,” she finally spits out. Her face now bright red, she goes on and on about how embarrassed she is. “You look exactly like Grace! I am so sorry! I can’t believe it! This is so weird!”

She’s a scoche high strung. Nice enough girl, though. And completely apologetic. It really wasn’t a big deal. It had been the excitement of the evening. She insists on going to get Grace. My neighbors warn me of her impending arrival at our table, and insist that really we look nothing alike. They say I’m cuter… which was both nice to hear, but also a little craptastic because I apparently resemble this Grace character pretty closely. Grace, also, is nice enough. She has “funky glasses” which apparently was confusing enough that her friend was thrown off. We chatted for a bit about the funny-ness of the situation, about the guy she was trying to get rid of at the bar, about how her hair is straight tonight and not curly… cause what else do you talk about with someone you don’t actually know.

So Grace and her friend go back to their table and me and my neighbors sit and giggle at the lunacy for a little while longer. After about half hour, we are finished with dinner and just about done with our beers.

All of a sudden, a new girl appears at our table. She stands about 3 feet away and kind of stares at me eerily. I look straight at her and say… “I’m not Grace.” She freaks out. Like, seriously. She, too, is mortified, but now she’s also really confused. I get up from my table and point her to Grace and her friend who are now in hysterics.  After a few moments the new girl comes back to the table and says, “Look, I have an excuse. I haven’t seen Grace in years. THAT is her best friend!”

We chat for a while. Apparently my neighbor went to high school with Grace… who incidentally still does not look like me. I mean, she’s nice, funny, and sarcastic… and has great taste in glasses. Heck, maybe I could learn something from this Grace character.

Has anything that ridiculous ever happened to you?

*Title taken from a book by Margaret Atwood, one of my favorite authors.


Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. No. I’m Not Her. But I bet she’s HOT! « Average Jane pingbacked on 9 years, 4 months ago


  1. * gilahi says:

    When I was first dating the lovely person who is now my wife, we were at a wine festival in DC. At some point during the day, a woman walked over to me and said “BART COHEN!!!!” No, sorry, I’m not Bart Cohen. The woman was convinced enough, however, that my wife seriously wondered if I was really who I’d been saying I was.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 10 months ago
  2. no one laughs, ‘kay?

    I’m rather slim… couchskinnycough and have long hair.

    So several times I’ve had people in the street going like, “hey miss, would you have a lighter/the time/ whatever…” Of course the second they see my face they get I’m le dude, but still, it stings a bit, deep inside.

    The worst of all being a good friend of mine, once, walking behind me in the street, eventually catching up with me, and going “damn’ for a second I thought you were a girl, and you were pretty hot” T.T

    okay… song time, cause it’s too early in the morning to start feeling bad about my lack of muscle mass…. http://www.deezer.com/track/5775

    OK – so i’m actually called “sir” all the time. Like, at least twice a month.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 10 months ago
  3. * Ibid says:

    I had a strange woman come up to me on the sidewalk, tell me she’d never go out with me, and storm off.

    One day I must have start putting off gay pheromones because 3 guys hit on me on the same day. It’s let up but I still get hit on quite a lot.

    At least twice a year someone I’ve never met tells me I look exactly like their friend Ben in Florida.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 10 months ago

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