Average Jane



5 Reasons Al Gore Hates Me

In the age of “going green,” I have found myself holding myself to a new standard: The Al Gore Standard. If I happen upon a decision that requires me to choose between a green and less green option, I look upon my imaginary WWAGD bracelet and ponder… “What would Al Gore do?” Unfortunately, much like my il-fated WWJD bracelet, I don’t always make the right decisions (sorry, Jesus).

I feel that perhaps it is time I confess to you, the blogosphere, but more than that, it is time I confess to Al Gore. Without further ado…

The (Top) 5 Reasons Al Gore Hates Me:

1) I drive .8 miles to work. This deserves a little explanation. Fine, these all require a little explanation. I don’t walk to work because I sometimes go places after work. And I’d have to walk home just to get my car to drive to the places I need to go. Oh, and I go home for lunch almost every day. And really, driving 3.2 TOTAL miles to work every day isn’t bad. But I do. I mean, I walk when my mom’s in town and she needs the car. But, um, not that often. And come on… filling up on gas every 2 and a half weeks is something I can feel pretty alright about.

2) I stand in the hot shower long after I’ve become clean just to stay warm. It’s a waste. I get it. But hot showers are soooooo lovely!

3) I drive with the windows down… and the AC on. Some days are just perfect, but a weeee bit too hot. So I put the air on real low, just to “enhance” the breeze.

4) I recycle 85% of the time. For whatever reason, there are certain things that don’t make it into the recycling bin. I don’t know what my mental break is, what the decision making process is that says, “Jane, that isn’t recycling worthy.” Perhaps too dirty? Perhaps too big to fit into my plastic recycling bag thingy that I hang on my pantry handle? I shall work on this one.

5) I drive more than I metro. I fully blame this one on WMATA. A small case study: If I want to get into DC on a weeknight (Friday included) it would cost me $5.25 to park at metro, $4.50 to ride there, and $2.25 to get home. That’s $12 before I buy my first drink! (math whiz?) Compare that to the less than $5 I would spend on gas? Financially it makes absolutely no sense which is a blower. I don’t mind metro. I take it to DC on the weekends when parking is free and I don’t have to pay the “government rate” for metro (rush hour fare). Oh, and then there’s the part where I drive to Northern Virginia every weekend… sometimes twice. But look, I drive a friggen Corolla. The tires are fully inflated. My air filters are nice and clean. So whatever. I deserve a little credit.

For these transgressions that I have committed against you, Mr. Former Vice President My Ultimate Political Crush (who no one told had something in his tooth for the entire duration of “An Inconvenient Truth”), I beg forgiveness. Now, I changing these things might take just a tick more time, but at least I’m aware! I mean, I acknowledge my shortcomings and hope one day he’ll forgive me.

Tell me: Why does Al Gore hate you?

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Comments

  1. * Gavin says:

    Al hates me because:

    1. I commute more than 70 miles a day. Even though it’s on a train, the carbon footprint of my daily commute is enormous.

    2. I work in IT, and all the servers that I run consume obscene amounts of energy.

    3. I don’t recycle at all, because my tiny Victorian terrace simply doesn’t have room for the extra storage required.

    4. I would guess that I’ve taken maybe 20 inter-continental flights in the last four years. Take that, planet earth!

    5. I live alone, which means that during the winter I’m using the same amount of energy to heat my house as a family of four would, but it only benefits me.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 4 months ago
  2. * Beach Bum says:

    So why don’t you bike to work? Seriously? You could be home in 5 minutes (less?) and pick up your car. Plus it’ll probably take just as long to get home at lunch. And .8 miles? Not even enough to break a sweat or need a change of clothes.

    Of course, I’m biased, I’ve been biking to work now — 11 miles each way! — and before used to drive a mile to the bus stop to take the bus (the reason I didn’t walk was because I was ALWAYS running late. Plus, where I live, I get a lot of kisses blown at me and “mamacita!” being said from open car windows — I live in the ghetto of Arlington). But by switching between car/bus to biking, I went from putting gas every two weeks, to having to put gas every month/month and a half.

    Now my confessions…
    1- I get lazy with recycling. I put in separate bags, but throw it on the garbage disposal with everything else.
    2- There’s no one home now, just my cat. But my AC is on (I like getting home to a cool apartment).

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 4 months ago
  3. * BatesHorn says:

    The metro cost thing is actually prohibitive if your employer doesn’t subsidize

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 4 months ago
  4. I have a relatively small carbon footprint. I recyle whenever possible, don’t own a car, work mostly from home or the coffee shop down the street, etc. However, when I am on vacation, vacation rules apply – crank the AC in the hotel, Limo from the airport, yup, I can be pretty bad about things on the rare occasions I am out of town.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 4 months ago
  5. * Eva says:

    Al Gore hates me because my husband and I are getting a new car and aren’t getting a hybrid. You see the problem is that they don’t make convertible hybrids and we just love convertibles. The feel of the sun on your face and the wind in your hair just making driving so much more pleasant. Al Gore also currently hates me because I am driving all over DC and Nova to go to my favorite yoga teacher’s classes. She is just that good!

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 4 months ago
  6. * Ibid says:

    Al Gore hates me because I’m showing him how it’s really done.
    I drive a Segway and don’t own a car.
    I’m refurbishing an old house with bleeding edge insulation technology.
    I haven’t run the AC in three years.
    In the worst of the summer I sleep in a hammock.
    I store carbon in the form of dead trees pressed into thin sheets and stacked on shelves.
    I grow some of my own food in pots.
    I have a rain barrel out back.

    He does hate me for leaving my computers on all the time.

    You might try a Segway or electric bike. Just drive on days when you know you’re going somewhere after work. I keep seeing one guy rollerskiing to work.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 4 months ago
  7. * Sam says:

    You had a What Would Jesus Do bracelet? That’s awesome. Did you infiltrate Jews for Jesus?

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 4 months ago
  8. * zpr says:

    I live .7 miles from work and also sometimes have to do things afterwards. I drive on those days and walk most others. You are right about one thing, I have calculated how much I would save if I went home for lunch instead of eating out every day and it’s more than I thought. But then again if I went home for lunch I would want to stay there, you don’t get that feeling?

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 4 months ago
  9. * Hey Pretty says:

    Al Gore built a mansion and then claimed it was okay for the environment because he bought carbon credits to off-set it. Lazy American consumerism at its worst. Therefore, I don’t think you should worry about what Al Gore thinks of your environmentalism. To each her own, I say.

    As for reasons why Al Gore wouldn’t like me…I can’t think of any. I’m perfect. 😉

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 3 months ago


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