Average Jane

My trip to the pumpkin patch: A story of my weekend that may very well not interest you at all

I am in love.

For those of you who know me, you can appreciate the lunacy of that statement, given that I am actually the least likely person to ever fall in love. It will therefore not surprise you that it is not someone for whom I have fallen. Oh shut up. I can be romantic about something can’t I?

This weekend, I did two of my favorite things: Played football… and went to the motherfucking punkin patch.

The Cultural Contributor do some pretty awesome things together and have some incredible stories to tell, but our trips to the pumpkin patch are legendary. The last time we went was 4 years ago. She hadn’t yet gone off to law school and I had just started working at a job I didn’t yet know I hated. I weighed 60 lbs more than I do now and was pretty fucking miserable. But there is nothing that can’t be fixed by a trip to the pumpkin patch where adults can be kids, and kids can be annoying kids, too.

This year, we decided to go off the beaten path and headed to Mt. Airy, MD. Home of… nothing. I lie. I think there is a vineyard there or at the very least a wine festival because the signs pointing to said wine festival were the only signs of possible civilization for miles. I frollicked around the patch while CC attempted to find the perfect pumpkin to take home with her. I found mine pretty quickly, but CC took her time contemplating her options. That is, of course, until we realized that the small children on our “hay ride” had already finished and were waiting patiently for the two crazy ladies to stop taking pictures and load up the tractor.  I would like to introduct you to Bert and Ernie… the two bestest pumpkins in all of the world.

Ernie and Bert

Ernie and Bert. Ernie's mine. He's on the left - Duh.

After heading back to the check-out barn, we decided our day in the country was not yet complete. So, we headed to the historical city of Frederick. Our drive through the country was gorgeous. The scenery was breathtaking. Unfortuantely, I literally lost my breath when I saw Bambi strapped to the back of some guy’s pickup truck… just behind the 4-wheeler. Did no one have a tarp? Really?

Frederick was incredible. I mean, unbelievable, actually. People were, like… nice. At least 4 people said, “hello.” Talk about a way to freak out the city folk. “Good afternoon!” Bless her heart, CC could barely contain herself.

Funny story that could have gotten me punched: We went into this darling coffee shop where I proceeded to chat up an amazingly attractive emo guy. I was introduced to his friends as CC shirked off into the corner. When the group realized she was with me, Skipper (the other guy) introduced himself. This was about the worst case scenario for CC what with her true disdain for talking to strangers and all. It’s the best part of our friendship, my constantly making her uncomfortable 🙂 In that very spirit, I made sure to tell our new friends how much she hates meeting new people and how she’s probably dying on the inside as we speak. (Rove!!!)

Incidentally, I gave them all my number. (Hey, Not-Skipper! Call me!)

We walked around drinking our awesome coffee enjoying the quaint smalltowniness of the city of Frederick and then headed back to our corner of suburban hell.

I know that none of you really care about what I did this weekend… I do. But I had the most raddest weekend ever and got to spend the most gorgeous day with my best friend just not caring about all the stupid adult shit we have to deal with every day. We got to play in a field, get a little dirty, make dumb jokes that no one else would get, and be a kid unapologetically for a few magical hours.

I just wish Bambi could have lived to see it, too.


Trackbacks & Pingbacks


  1. “…Did no one have a tarp? Really?…”

    Blech, we totally agree on that.
    Just because I’ll eat it doesn’t mean that I want to see it in a pre-formed fashion.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 6 months ago
  2. * Emily says:

    Sounds perfect, except for the Bambi.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 6 months ago
  3. * Eva says:

    I love the pumpkins!! I went crazy about two weeks ago and bought several pumpkins at the store. Then I proceeded to put them in front of the fire place, have a fire and weird sticky liquid came out of them. Yuck!

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 6 months ago
  4. * CC says:

    Gawd, we do live in our own respective corners of suburban hell. Regardless, though I remain scarred by the coffee shop humiliation (next time, I’m waiting in the damn car while you “make friends/harass locals”) let me emphatically say that I am ready, willing and able to accompany you on any additional rural weekend jaunts.

    And, shout outs to Bob Ehrlich for his sweet mapmaking skillz.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 6 months ago

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: