Average Jane



Howdy, Neighbor!

I came home the other night to find a note on my door mat:

Never-nervous Jane!

Just wanted to say “hi,” neighbor; haven’t seen you in awhile! And if this is not you, “Sorry, Mr/Ms Stranger!”…

Have a fabulous day!

JC

OK – Some back story. JC is my neighbor. He’s middle aged, maybe 40? I met him in the lobby once. He’s some sort of security guard (read: with gun). I met him one other time with his mother in the elevator. I assume my nerves had come up in one of my two conversations with the gentleman down the hall. I also assume that he knew which apartment was mine from seeing me walk toward the elevator that once.

I guess here is where I should fill you in on the rest of the story. Here’s what was on the front of the card:

I’M PRAYING FOR YOU TODAY —

And the message on the inside:

Asking the Lord to fill your HEART with HOPE and your day with Peace.

Aaaaand on the bottom of the card:

“Now the Lord of peace Himself give you peace always…” II THESSALONIANS 3:16 KJV

And on zee back:

DaySpring – Share your heart and God’s love. May the Lord use this card to lift your spirit, encourage your heart, build your faith, and brighten your day.

OK – now for the analysis. First thought – “Um. WTF, mate?” Then I got creeped out. Then I got contemplative – what was his intention?

Possible intention 1) He liiiikes me. And thinks that this Jesustationery will put him in my Jesus-loving good graces.

Possible intention 2) He wants to save my soul from eternal damnation.

Possible intention 3) He is just a friendly guy who has a bunch of these cards lying around and thought he’d say, “hello!”

PI2 and PI3 are the most reasonable. I mean – either one is still a little weird but the intentions in either case are pure.

PI1 is where I start to get nervous. Let’s put aside the fact that I’m a big ole Jew with a mezuzzah on my door. He might have NO idea what that is. The fact is he’s 40 years old and I’m (darn near) 27 and even if he didn’t leave a super creepy, completely inapropriate card on my doormat he wouldn’t have a shot. He lives on my floor and has a gun. Granted, I don’t think many serial killers have DaySpring GodCards on hand, this could be his big ploy. This could be his “in”. Or he could just be a very nice guy who happens to be interested in me and in saving my soul.

Which brings me to my brand new vocab term! I do love learning new things.

I ran all of this shenanigans by my pretty-much-evangelical-coworker The Preacher and he gave me some insights:

A) A lot of people have these cards lying around. I asked if they get sent to Christian people like we get address stickers from the ASPCA, but he said, “no.” Apparently you have to buy them at the Christian store. (Mama had no idea.)

B) He could be doing “missionary dating”. (I hear you giggling. Go on. I’ll wait.) What, pray tell, is missionary dating? Let me share. It’s not nearly as exciting as it sounds, I assure you. Apparently, the goal is to date you, and then convert you, or save you… (or missionize you?)  I’ve heard of missionaries who go to strip clubs to get the strippers to stop, ya know, stripping. But I’ve never thought that there was an organized movement. Should I feel honored? I’ve been chosen to be saved? Should I be creeped out? Should I be adding a lock to my door?

The truth is, it’s probably none of the above. Not even close. PI3 is most likely closest to the actual reality. But the question is, what do I do? Respond with a note? Send a channukah card? Post a picture of me and my “boyfriend” “Hercules” on my door and hope he gets the hint?

Friends, I leave my fate in your hands…

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  1. Go. Away. « Average Jane pingbacked on 8 years, 11 months ago

Comments

  1. * Eva says:

    I think you do nothing. You can give him a nice “thanks for the card” next time you see him, but I don’t see any reason you need to do anything in response if you don’t want to. 🙂

    | Reply Posted 8 years, 11 months ago
  2. * Sam says:

    I don’t know what his intentions are, but I can basically promise you that no middle-aged man, no matter how devout, tries to bed a girl in her 20s–Jewish, Baptist, Mormon, Unitarian, Vegetarian–by sending her a Jesus-y card. Even the most evangelical of evanglicals know the odds on that working are pretty slim.

    Lots of Christians find this sort of thing incredibly uplifting. If I had to guess, I’d say he was just trying to cheer you up and didn’t really consider that it might be taken the wrong way. Let it slide, or find something appropriate from the Torah to send back his way.

    | Reply Posted 8 years, 11 months ago
  3. * Katherine says:

    RETURN TO SENDER. If I got one of those in the Pirate Pad we would have proudly displayed the card. Neither of us were particularly receptive to that activity. I don’t know what we would have done but I am going to think really HARD about this. (Because we receive a ton of notes and sent a ton back.

    | Reply Posted 8 years, 11 months ago


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