Average Jane

An Ugly Kind of Drunk: The night I met “regret” in a trashcan

The goal was simple: Girls Night Out with my Partner In Crime, the Middlenameless Wonder. She has been a party to many debaucherous nights, from New Years Eve where I ended up on the bar of Union Jacks Ballston being sprayed with champagne, to Halloween night where I ended up making out with a 23 year old at Atomic Billiards, she is by far the best going out buddy ever.

We were going to stalk visit my latest crush working down in Chinatown. He was working the middle bar, and my friend was working the back. I beat my partner in crime to the bar, saw my crush as I walked in, and proceeded to ignore him and walk straight to the back to get started on what would prove to be a long, long night. Once she arrived at 9:45, the drinking began. The boys were scarce in our sober-er hours, giving us time to talk lucidly about urgent matters like boys and Vegas and cute outfits. I started with a Vodka Soda and moved to Rum and Diet, and she had Miller Lites flowing all night long.

At some point in the evening, I went to the bathroom and stopped to chat up my crush. He gave me a shot of something amazing. (I thought this to be a good sign.But have you met me? Stay tuned.) I thanked him and went back to my perch at the back bar. Finally, our first victim plopped down next to us. He was a german-named-asian-man. Attractive. Short. And had friends. *evil grin* They kept us entertained for cocktail numbers 3 and 4. Then we decided it was time to pay full attention to my crush. Get a final drink. Get a date set up?

Or just get completely fucking wasted.

I ordered Rum and Diet #5 which came in a pint glass and could have killed me. Thankfully, the shots he poured us took care of that first. (Another good sign? Umm….) We tipped him. Spent some time talked to the super hot guy in the salmon colored shirt (brave!) that we had been scoping all night. And headed home. Forgive me, but the details of the evening start to elude me right around this point.

Here’s what I remember:

– Stumbling from Chinatown to Metro Center.
– Deciding to take the Blue Line instead of waiting 18 minutes for the Orange Line.
– Getting off at Rosslyn.
– Vomiting over the railing as I emerged from the train.
– Being woken up by some girl and put on the train to Vienna.
– Waking up again at Vienna.
– Stumbling up the escalator.
– Vomiting in the first trashcan I found.
– Walking home. Undressing. Crawling into bed.
– Attempting to read missed text messages before crumbling into a heap and falling into a blissful, vomit-free slumber.

When I woke up the next morning, hell had reigned down on my stomach, sparing my head the typical haze of a hangover. With only a few hours until my mom’s arrival, I needed to get into working order… and quick.

Ya know, I honestly hadn’t been that obliterated in about as long as I can remember. It was not my finest hour to say the least. But I let go. And I never do that.

And my crush? Yeah. I got the ultimate brush off the next day. It was the 3rd time he had backed out of plans after two perfectly wonderful dates. He told me to call him and I did. He said he was going to “just chill” for the night. I said, “Ya know, just let me know if you ever want to do something.” His response, “Yeah. I’ll call you.”


Always trying to better myself, there is surely a lesson to be learned in this. How about this: With all the calories I drank Saturday night, I might as well cozy up with a piece of chocolate cake, and skip my chance encounter with regret at the bottom of a Metro trashcan and the embarrassment of being sloppy drunk in front of a man who couldn’t care less.


Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. Childish « Average Jane pingbacked on 8 years, 5 months ago


  1. Thought it has been many years…been there done that. Hope you are feeling better now. Happens to us all at some point.

    | Reply Posted 8 years, 8 months ago
  2. * Liz says:

    “Or just get completely fucking wasted.” Totally made me laugh out loud.

    A few months ago, I spent some quality time puking mass amounts of Miller High Life after a night of drinking shenanigans with friends. Life is too short not to let loose every now and then šŸ˜€

    | Reply Posted 8 years, 8 months ago
    • * Average Jane says:

      I couldn’t agree more! Well… Typically I actually tend to disagree, but I should probably believe people when they tell me to lighten up every now and again. I just need to find the happy medium between “awesomely relaxed” and “completely blotto”.

      | Reply Posted 8 years, 8 months ago
  3. * Maxie says:

    I always wondered about people barfing on the metro. i was riding it one morning back to my car and I really thought I was going to puke. I’ve never seen anyone do it, so it makes me feel better to know it actually happens.

    | Reply Posted 8 years, 8 months ago

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