Average Jane


I left a lot of things in DC when I moved to Philly, one of them being a cadre of men who had, in one way or another, patently rejected me.

The many, many ways by which I have been blown off reads like “he’s just not that into you.” Never in my life, though, did I expect to look quite as good after being rejected as I did Halloween night…

It ended with a phone call.

Me: “Hey. It was a lot of fun seeing you last night. Thanks for all the drinks. It didn’t end well.

Him: “Glad you had fun.”

Me: “You said to give you a call to hang out today. So, I just wanted to see how your day was going…”

Him: “Um. I just got home from work and I’m exhausted so… …. … I think I’m just going to stay in.”

Me: “Right. Well, hey – how about this. You just give me a call if you ever want to hang out. Otherwise…”

Him: “Yeah. OK. Talk to you later.”


I shall call this, the Royal Blowoff. Which probably actually happened the last few times he didn’t call me back, but that’s neither here nor there. He was a very promising prospect — one I truly believed had potential due to various statements and advances on his part, and positive responses on mine. Regardless, it ended with an open sense of finality. He left the door open. I knew it was final.

And with that finality, I went through my typical routine: Delete. Delete. Delete. Included in this cleansing ritual was phone, buddy lists, and Facebook. Why? Because we weren’t friends before we started “dating” and by virtue of the conversation during which he blew me off… our future wasn’t very bright.

Or so I thought.

Until Halloween night, I hadn’t heard a peep from him, and believe you me, I wasn’t losing sleep over it. But when we returned to his bar, my second favorite spot in DC, he was there and it was awkward. Determined to have a good time, I was pleasant and gracious and drank whatever was put in front of me like a good girl. All was well and good until this:

“So, I heard you de-friended Cookie Man on Facebook,” my good friend and his coworker commented.

I was stunned. Since when did boys gossip like little school girls, and why on earth would he care? It bothered me all night until finally I decided to sidle up to his bar for a change of scenery. And out of nowhere, “So, what’s with you defriending me?”

“We weren’t friends! You made that incredibly clear,” I said with confidence.

“But why did you defriend me?” he responded.

“Because were weren’t friends before we went out and we are friends now?”

“But you didn’t have to defriend me.”

“YOU! You defriended me IN REAL LIFE! How am I the bad guy?”

“It was just a little childish is all.”

Childish. Me. The one who made every adult attempt to enter into some sort of more-than-platonic relationship and then backed away and without tears when it became clear the feelings weren’t mutual. I was the adult. I was the one behaving. He was the child with the bruised ego. The “de-friending” — an entirely new version of the Facebook DTR — had not been done maliciously. I figured it was a favor. Take me off his plate. Eliminate any chance I’d have of contacting him, since clearly I was not something he wanted. Not something he cared about. And certainly not a friend.

But I could see how he would be hurt. Not that I care, but I can understand. So, I re-friended him with a note appended:

“I didn’t think my defriending you would bother you so much. I am sorry if you were hurt, it wasn’t my intention. I had a great time last night at the bar. Thanks.”

The next day, he accepted my friend request, an act that 2 months earlier would have shot me to the moon. This time, it was another email to delete. A note on my wall followed shortly after: “But this still doesn’t mean we’re “friends,” right…? ;)”  And my response to him: “Nope and I’d never assume otherwise.”

I am quite sure that is the last I’ll hear from him. And I assure you, I couldn’t care less.




Trackbacks & Pingbacks


  1. * PRSlaveDC says:

    You keep coming back to DC and not telling me until I read about it later. For shame!

    That being said… well handled.

    | Reply Posted 8 years, 8 months ago
    • * Emily says:

      WTF? Sometimes boys are so weird! And stupid.

      I agree, you handled it well. At least you dodged a bullet with this one. Can you imagine actually trying to have a relationship with someone so extremely immature and petty?

      | Reply Posted 8 years, 8 months ago
      • * Average Jane says:

        Ugh. I know you’re right. It would have been awful, but the whole situation is really … frustrating. This is my dating pool? REALLY?

        Posted 8 years, 8 months ago
    • * Average Jane says:

      Sorry! I told you I would be in town for Halloween, though! Back in 2 weeks. I’ll be in touch, I swear!

      | Reply Posted 8 years, 8 months ago
  2. * Falafelly says:

    What a wanker! He probably couldn’t take the hit to his friend count, and therefore his ego. Good riddance!

    | Reply Posted 8 years, 8 months ago
  3. * K(yle) says:

    Just because a guy blows you off doesn’t mean he completely lost all interest. This guy probably does have a big ego; meaning he wanted to be chased. He broke contact with you to see what you would do. To see if you would disqualify yourself; which you did in epic fashion.

    A girl that I ‘blew off’ that did that would just let me know she was never that into me in the first place. That the vibe we had earlier was just her ability to charm; rather than something we shared. When not getting validation from me she moved onto the next thing without hesitating. That she couldn’t invest something of herself in pursuing me; and that she could probably kick me to the curb just as easily months or years into a relationship.

    You were tested; and you failed hard.

    Nice blog though.

    | Reply Posted 8 years, 7 months ago

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: