Average Jane



New Balance

I do a lot of walking in my life. Every step, the pain radiates up my foot, between my toes. Once just one foot, like a train wreck, I can see it happening in my other foot and there’s nothing I can do about it. Nothing but pray. The thought of tattooing the mi shebeirach on my foot has crossed my mine more than once, a permanent prayer for my health, my well being. The strength of my forefathers and foremothers. My friends and my family.

I did a lot of walking in my life. From DC to Miami. Miami to Seattle. Seattle to DC. DC to Vienna. Vienna to Philadelphia. I walk out on the people I know. I walk into new cities. I walk toward a new future. I walk away from painful pasts. I walk for my health. I walk for my sanity. I walk in pain. I walk toward people who need me.

And then I wait. I wait for people to walk toward me and am shocked when they don’t. The “I-don’t-blame-them-ness” overwhelmed me the moment I realized that it wasn’t their fault it was mine. But now, the people who I want nothing more than to walk toward me are walking away. Two at a time. Like my two shoes, my only two shoes. My gray new balance who have been there for me, the only source of comfort. The thought of losing that comfort is debilitating. But it’s happening. I can feel the twinge of pain rising up through my shoe, giving me yet another challenge to surmount.

I will, too. I always do.

“How are you, Jane?” Oh, I’m just fine. I always am. I have new balance. I have to. I have no choice.

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Comments

  1. * Katherine says:

    I miss you. And your feet.

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 6 months ago
  2. Have you invited the ones you want to walk towards you to do so?

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 6 months ago


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