Average Jane

Open Letter to The Guy Who Wants to Sleep With Me

Dear Guy I Just Met –

You were very sweet when I met you, and color me surprised that you actually called. Color me more surprised that when we met up at the bar, you were charming and friendly and absolutely adorable in your boyishly charming way. The gentle peck you gave me as I left to meet my friends was sweet. Which is why we need to talk.

After the first time you said you wish we could have “made out” it was probably unnecessary to mention it again in subsequent texts. Probably also didn’t need to ask me for sexual secrets or tell me that you were… doing inappropriate things when I called you which was why you had to jump off the phone.

See, the assumption is, you’re a dude and thusly, if you aren’t repulsed by me, you want to sleep with me. Heck, even if you are repulsed by me, it’s incredibly possible that you want to sleep with me anyway. With that in mind, it may be a better use of time to tell me I’m pretty, ask me about myself, make flirty quips when I’m not expecting it… Ya know, endear yourself to me. Because, I want to sleep with you, too, but we’re adults and I am assuming that at some point, that part will just kind of naturally work itself out. If I just tell you that, can we get back to getting to know each other better?

The build up to the big event — the silent little signals, the flirty looks, the gentle unexpected touches as we chat at the bar — will be a better investment in time. I hope you figure out out that talking is my biggest turn on, that shooting pool is how I like to spend my nights out so we can stop talking about having sex and actually have sex.

Also, it makes me feel like a 16 year old when you call it “making out.” And 16 was not a cute time for me.

Thanks for your time. I’ll make sure to shave my legs should this all pan out.




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  1. * terra says:

    Sheesh – sometimes boys really just don’t get it, do they?

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 7 months ago
    • * Average Jane says:

      Well, apparently it didn’t matter because I never heard from him again. I don’t give up. I don’t, but man alive it’s hard. 😦

      | Reply Posted 7 years, 7 months ago

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