Average Jane

“All You Plain Girls” – A Commenter’s Diatribe Against… Me.

Three years ago, I wrote a blog post entitled, “The Guy With the Girlfriend.” It lamented my ability (then) to meet single men who were interested in dating me. It mentioned the penchant of married/taken men to flirt with me. It garnered more attention than I had ever expected. It is the most highly searched for post on this humble blog. It receives comments even to this day.

… when I got this one.

I wanted to paste it here in it’s entirety and hear what you have to say. Try to get to the bottom. You may not be as bored with your life as the cowardly commenter was with theirs, since clearly they had the time to write a midnight diatribe against me, but go ahead and give it a shot.

Here it is, the comment from “99bottlesofbeer”:

Most of you girls with this “problem” are just filtering out the boys you don’t like and zeroing in on boys with unique facial features (pretty eyes, muscles, nice hair etc.) If it is not that then it was the way the boy held himself and commanded attention from others. Saying that you only fall for boys who are taken is just an excuse to not date the plethora of other boys out there. Also you fail to realize that you simply aren’t pretty enough for a long-term thing with your chosen male. You’re getting your egos pumped up to make you believe that you’re a 9 when in fact you’re probably just a 6 or 7 and the guy wants casual sex. What you don’t want to seem to admit is that if these features attracted you then they probably attracted some other girl as well. And that girl was probably prettier. Sorry. There is no way that you can’t find a boy without a girlfriend. We’re drowning in too many single boys as it is who have to look from afar as that one flashy guy gets the attention of all the girls. Just read the internet. It’s full of guys who wail over the fact that they were forced to join World of Warcraft for some attention while all the girls flutter around one or two jocks/musicians. What’s worse is your behavior after being with these chosen few males who bang you and leave. You wait. You abstain from sexual relations with regular guys, the boys you should be with, because you think you deserve better. That and as females you ignore the sexual cravings of all the other boys who want you. You deem them irrelevant and simply add to the bitterness out there. You are born to be a sexual doormat for many guys, not just one or two superstuds. When you hold off on allowing regular guys be with you, the regular girl, they have no outlet for their manhood. This is why we have scores of celibate guys shooting up gyms and stuff. What women don’t understand is that sex with a semi-decent woman is like a cleansing of the mind. Sex saves the man from self-doubt and agony. That is your role but you seem to believe in some dumb fantasy that you’ll marry a surfer rockstar. No. You are a basic model. Generic. Interchangeable. You are designed for men to experiment with, and ultimately up to you to protect your reputation. But at the pace most of you females are going you are probably ending up with long periods of loneliness, while your male counterparts suffer a similar fate. Except theirs is worse because unlike you they cannot fulfill their sex drive by pointing at a stranger and saying take me. They must languish in the suffering that is played by your hand. The duty of every female, who does not marry the first male she has sex with, is nothing less than to quell the passions of the male – on demand. Not this stupid hemming and hawing wasting your youth and sexual energy on a Twilight fantasy. All of you mediocre girls should attempt to live like porn stars. That is the only way males will truly appreciate you. Doesn’t make sense to you. But it does to us. Take a look at how much attention porn stars get at trade shows. The men love what she represents. They hate her past, but her future is so enticing! That is what you should be like. All of you plain girls. The fact that all of you don’t do this is astounding, as if you think that having the attention of “one special guy” will be enough to help you survive later in life sans beauty. Newsflash: Most people in poverty are old women, women who have been essentially “thrown out” by the men they pined for.

Women tend to project what they find attractive in a man into what they think a man is attracted to. So a woman would say “I like confident men, they should like a confident woman and overlook it if I’m 45!” A man, however, isn’t attracted to confidence in of itself like women are. So a man doesn’t care if a woman owns a business. All a guy thinks is great, when I leave her she won’t bother me for cash. A guy also won’t sleep with an old woman no matter how ballsy or how rich she is. Who cares? She’s old. So going after degrees and stuff should be reserved for women who already have kids or those that like being cranky spinsters. A woman’s value is 75% predicated on her beauty. No amount of jezebel blogging can change this simple effect. That beauty is limited to maybe 20 years. That’s not a lot of time. All the women in the corporate world who tell themselves that they have their job due to their skills etc. etc. will be in for a rude awakening when the newer girl on the block takes her old desk. It was not brains that got her hired, it is not brains that will save her from termination. No she is there in that office as an ornament for the CEO or as a way to lure in wandering customers. Men sneer at women who complain at the state of affairs simply because women’s lives are cushioned due to their beauty. The least they could do is pony up a crazy blowjob to lovelorn males once in a while.

With sex as shameless as it is today the fact that most females give their attentions to a handful of baseball players is a travesty. A travesty of ego that will spell doom for the girls who flaunt it in the eyes of the hundreds of guys she won’t consider until she turns old and senile. When this happens to too many guys you end up with a nation of potential manics. Sex and a man’s ability to acquire it from attractive females is the epicenter of his soul and thus most affected by depression when it is denied.

We don’t care about you going to school or going to Haiti to save the orphans or anything like that. Just be pretty and sexual and you’ll have our protection. It can happen, there’s tons of girls online (albeit in poor countries with more women than men) that live like sex stars. If the men get jealous that is the male’s problem.

You girls have forgotten that you are simply sexual repositories. Nothing more. Nothing less. Example: Whenever a girl shows up in a TV sitcom, you know someone is going to start sexual relations with her. The show might have been about 4 guys fly-fishing up until that point, but once an attractive female even enters the frame the audience suspects that there’s a romantic plot. The point is femininity is sexual. You are a competitive vessel that lives and breathes for men to battle for the right to your pleasures. This is where all the job offers, TV appearances, door holding, free drinks, saved seats and witty conversation comes from. Not from your smarts. Or your uniqueness. Or your narcissistic novel that nobody cares about. It’s your sex. Now we live in the age of sex without consequence, yet you insult everyone around you by adding nonsensical consequences of status to the mix. Eventually someday prostitution will be made legal again because in this climate all that females do is deny release, dominance and pleasure from most men while giving this self-esteem to the rare male. Your power structure must be trivialized. Right now you are treating males like they are jokes. But sex is serious business for men. You may not think it is the focal point of the universe, but others do and the fact that you don’t care paints you as traitors.

You blossom into beauties for the sake of making beautiful babies. Not for the sake of being seen with a guy that everyone admires. Or to have a million accessories in your closet. Or to use it to get jobs on the fly. No these are superfluous reasons. Your good life is only measured in the degree of poise and beauty you can offer the world. Once it is gone you essentially disappear to men. It’s not right, but whatever. If you use your youth going after idiotic female treats rather than satisfying the awesome male sex drive then you are wasting your life. You have expiration dates that cancel out your magic powers. When you shirk your intended role as a sex hole and deny everyone a dose of your crotch ambrosia you simply pen up the anger of the men around you who you constantly ignore. Men in general are losing sympathy for women – and why should we if you pant over a couple guys out of thousands, have their kids and expect us to pick up the debris from another male. No young guy wants that. That and once you hit 35 you’ll find all of the favors and offers vanish like it was some sort of virtual reality program. Just keep acting like a shy school marm when it comes to dating at your own level. You’ll see just what I’m talking about.

….and GO!


Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. “Crotch Ambrosia” – Oh, Ladies… He’s back! « Average Jane pingbacked on 7 years, 5 months ago


  1. * Megan says:

    Wow… I’m really not sure I can even overcome the phrase “crotch ambrosia” to post a lucid comment.

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 5 months ago
    • * Average Jane says:

      On the positive side, you now have the name of your new band!

      | Reply Posted 7 years, 5 months ago
  2. I…I don’t even know where to start.

    First of all, I feel pity for this guy whoever he is, who feels scorned by women and blames women for the lack of sex in his life. I am also afraid for any woman that is unfortunate enough to rebuff him (because I get the sense he probably gropes women in bars and then blames them when they’re not receptive). Those women need to watch their backs because a man that has so little respect for and has such a small opinion of women will undoubtably be one of the many who thinks they have the right to rape, kill, punch, spit on, and belittle women simply because they’re women.

    There’s also a small, teeny tiny percentage of my heart that fears that most men think this way as well. In which case, I’m happier to be alone. I don’t need a man in my life to pay my bills, give me an orgasm, give me children (thank you, sperm banks!), or boost my ego. I’m quite fine being alone for the rest of my life, if the alternative is a guy like that – that thinks my best years are always behind me and my vagina is all I have to offer…but as long as my mouth is closed and I’m under 30.

    I feel nothing but pity for this guy.

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 5 months ago
    • * Average Jane says:

      I hadn’t thought of the other women this man is preying on. Because that’s what he’s doing, right? It’s truly sad that he felt the need to say all those things, and that he had the time (between cock stroking) to type it all out… UNLESS it’s a pre-fab comment that he just passes between blog posts that are tangentially relevant.

      It was that way with the DC Dating Bloggers – those guys who talked about playing the “the game” but I always wondered, who wins? What’s the end game? What are you trying to achieve? It is to spread your seed? A wife and kids? Or a lifetime of “lonely” because when they’re old and withered and their penis no longer works (which one day it won’t, folks), they are as much a commodity as anyone, and no one will be buying.

      | Reply Posted 7 years, 5 months ago
      • Absolutely. Who wins at this game? And part of me thinks that at least a little of the motivation for a comment like this is the fear that he too is expendable. And that he’ll be alone forever, because he’s ugly and undesirable. Hence the pity.

        And yes, he’s most certainly preying.

        Posted 7 years, 5 months ago
  3. * dccapoiera says:

    Well, this guy has some anger issues. And the stuff that he says which are truisms (men are attracted to different things in women, than women are attracted to in men) are used to make in argument that doesn’t follow.

    He is probably bitter that he is being rejected by the plain janes and thinks that they should dating him because you aren’t in the same league as the guys you like. It doesn’t occur to him that maybe your ignoring him because he’s the one who’s punching above his weight class.

    What’s really off about this guy is that he thinks everyone thinks the same way…his way. “A woman’s value is 75% predicated on her beauty.” If this were true, then everyone would be trying to marry strippers and porn stars, even if they are coked up psychos. He thinks that because he thinks this way, that everyone else does too. Most people I know would rather marry a pretty school teacher who would make a good wife and mom than a smoking hot trainwreck.

    Don’t give it too much thought. If this guy had a lot going on in his life, he wouldn’t be reading your blog in the middle of the night and posting very loooong replies to try to make you feel bad. He’d be out living the high life.

    Don’t waste your energy thinking about why a complete stranger takes time out of his life to hate on a complete stranger.

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 5 months ago
  4. I have to be honest, his comment was so rambling & incoherent to me that I can’t even come up with a single argument against it.

    That being said, I have met said “wailing” guys. I’ve met the guys who act like they are modern day Woody Allens. Their “hook” is the “I’m smart, mildly geeky and awkward with women, but look how cute I am.”

    Those guys? Biggest dicks of em all. Men put on facades and acts just as some women do.

    And since I couldn’t understand his train of thought, I’m not entirely sure what my comment has to do with anything he said. 😛

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 5 months ago
    • And that’s supposed to be a confused looking emoticon, not a smile. Why am I correcting my own emoticon anyway?

      | Reply Posted 7 years, 5 months ago
  5. * mandy says:

    i don’t even know what to say or if anything would be worth saying anyway because this is hands-down the most bizarre thing i’ve read in a long time, but i’m pretty sure most men want to end up with a woman who has her act together and knows what she wants (average or not) rather than a porn star with a gaping vag and history of std’s. sure, they might fantasize about what she can/would do to them, but for the most part, a rational dude wouldn’t touch a girl like that with a 10 foot pole.

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 5 months ago
    • * Average Jane says:

      Bizarre is a great descriptor. It’s so long and rambly. It’s so impassioned yet dispassionate. All I have to say is I’ve got a date tonight and he doesn’t have a girlfriend and I didn’t bother shaving my legs. 🙂

      | Reply Posted 7 years, 5 months ago
  6. * shine says:

    I HAD forgotten I’m just a sexual repository! Silly me.

    The whatthefuckitude of this comment nearly made my head explode. I’m currently reading “The Beauty Myth” by Naomi Wolf and this dude is clearly a part of it.

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 5 months ago
  7. * amanda says:

    I really had to force myself through this one. Until now, I hadn’t seen a misogynist online troll, but that’s apparently what we’ve got here. I really don’t think you should let this guy bother you, because he clearly has some screws loose. Like closetrockstar said, I too get the sense that this is the kind of guy who would rape women. He clearly feels like he and the rest of the male portion of our species have ownership and rights that should completely dwarf our individual desires. Pesky women. With their pesky personalities and educations and goals getting in the way of free-for-all fucking.

    He’s obviously been rejected so many times that he’s tried to retrofit some kind of crazed sense on why and what should be (in his ideal world). You have nothing to do with this. You were just the unfortunate person in his eyesight during a peak hour of loneliness and frustration. While I’m sure that some men see women this way, I know many men who do not.

    All this vitriol about plain women needing to lay back and take it is complete bullshit. As is the part about men having certain girlfriends because they’re prettier than you. It’s really just shitty timing. And, in my opinion, men often like the safety of a relationship rather than having to get back out in the dating scene. I’ve definitely seen my fair share stay in relationships they shouldn’t be in because it seems easier.

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 5 months ago
  8. * matt says:

    Wow, how sad. He is pretty much an ass, but every once in awhile he makes a somewhat reasonable point and then blows it up by referring to women as “sex holes.” I don’t have a problem getting dates or sex and I’m not super rich/athletic/musically talented/model looks/etc. But I will say, I don’t care about advanced degrees or busy body volunteer work. I also think as he said that a lot of girls overvalue their appearance and don’t see that they’re 5 or 6’s and ego boosts. But its sad that he generalizes all of us into not caring about anything but sex. I won’t commit to a girl unless she’s fun, smart, spontaneous, and laughs a lot, no matter how hot her crotch ambrosia is. In fact, crotch ambrosia is probably the only redeeming thing to come out of this.

    Are we sure this isn’t Jared Lee Loughner?

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 5 months ago
  9. * lexa says:

    Mmm, crotch ambrosia. I bet it would be really good with a corn muffin.

    I am sorry. All I can do is make horrible jokes. This just makes me sad. Sad that this guy is so lonely. Sad some people think this way. Sad that he directed it towards you. You didn’t deserve this vitriol, but I think we can all agree that this guy is to be pitied.

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 5 months ago
    • * Average Jane says:

      If you steal Crotch Ambrosia for your handle everywhere I will be desperately disappointed.

      This post reminds me of all the dc male “lifestyle” bloggers from my time in the fold with that crew, as I replied to another commenter. It’s a shame there are voices like theirs out there, and more a shame they get the attention they do.

      Miss the good bloggers, though. Like you!

      | Reply Posted 7 years, 5 months ago
      • * lexa says:

        I have been blogging…don’t miss me! I am here!

        I am stealing crotch ambrosia. It is now mine.

        Posted 7 years, 5 months ago
  10. * Katherine says:

    This dude is full of shit.

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 5 months ago
  11. * chris l says:

    A perfect argument for why you should NEVER put anything close to a personal identifier on your blog, Jane. This guy is dangerous!

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 5 months ago
  12. * vvk says:

    How can you get beyond the first sentence or two? I never got to this “Crotch Ambrosia” bit everyone is talking about… I guess I could search for it, but that seems like cheating.

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 5 months ago
  13. * Hillary says:

    Wow, this guy has some odd ideas about the male-female dynamic. It’s sad really and on top of that, he completely missed the point of your post.

    But crotch ambrosia really is a classic.

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 5 months ago
  14. * Joey O. says:

    Wow…just wow…

    I would have more to say if the diatribe was against Against Me!, because they are an awesome band. 🙂

    Instead I am stunned that some assclown took the time to write all that…

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 5 months ago
  15. * Her Rabid Glow says:

    What. A. Douchebag.

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 4 months ago
  16. * Gina says:

    His Flesch-Kincaid level is grade 6! Scary….Let me just say…as all have Crotch Ambrosia…..maybe with a side of Skin Boat! What a dork!

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 4 months ago

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