Average Jane



Pray

Dear God,

I climbed in bed tonight full of desperation. Full of fear. Full of a hope so vicious it felt angry. I had to hope. And all of a sudden I felt a need for prayer. I don’t know what compelled me to do it, but I reached out to a friend of mine and asked him to pray for me. As soon as I wrote the words I started to cry. They were lonely tears, painful tears, fearful tears.

But why prayer? I’m not a pray-er? Sure, we talk sometimes. But I felt like tonight I needed someone who knew you better to call in a favor.

Tomorrow I see a new doctor. He is my last best hope. After 6 surgeries, I continue to live in constant pain. Every day. Every step. And I make the best of it. And I smile through the pain. And I twist and turn and shift in my shoes and want so badly to find momentary relief. As if that moment will make me forget that just moments later the fiery pain will come back with a vengance. I have sacrificed so much but still live a full life. I just… I need an answer. I need to have faith in doctors again after being let down time and time again.

So I’m praying. Not sure I’m great at it, not sure if I’m doing it right, but I need to feel like I’m doing everything I can to channel the good will of the universe… To give me the strength to explain myself clearly. To give him the patience to listen and understand me, and the wisdom to help me find an answer.

I don’t know if I can say a Mi Shebeirach for myself, but if I can, if that’s ok to do, I’ll do it tonight. For the renewal of body, the renewal of spirit. Amen.

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Comments

  1. * Snoopysgirl says:

    Dear Average Jane,

    it was good for you to pray, and it’s good to continue to pray. God, more specifically the God of the Bible, wants you to be well. Jesus died for us to be delivered not just from sin but from the ways that sin impacts us and the world, including sickness. Keep calling on Him, and He will answer.

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 6 months ago
  2. * vvk says:

    *hugs*

    My thoughts and prayers are with you…

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 6 months ago
  3. * chris l says:

    You have friends out here.

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 5 months ago


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