Average Jane



Tears on My Yoga Mat

Pushing up from child’s pose into down dog, my gaze followed the flow. Looking down now between my aching, sweaty arms I saw the tear drops I had just shed on my yoga mat below. It was as though I had been wrung out, a wet, dirty cloth being twisted and tugged, relieved of the burden of water that had been weighing me down.

“Yoga is a microcosm of your world. But it’s safe to fail here.”

I couldn’t hear the instructor.

I feel demoted at work. I feel like I’m losing my place. I feel like I’ve lost touch.

I couldn’t tell him I was confused.

I don’t feel heard at home. I don’t feel listened to at work. I don’t feel understood.

My legs were weak. Sore. They couldn’t hold me up.

My self esteem is a memory most days. I feel so weak. I have lost my social sea legs.

It was hot. The air was thick. I wanted out.

It is not home, this new city, this new place. It is uncomfortable. Desperately so. I want out.

I began to cry…

I cry and cry…

I have no one to support me. I have no one to help restore me.

I drop to my knees, to the mat. I fall back into child’s pose. I begin to restore myself.

A microcosm of life to be sure.

The instructor came over. Asked if I was OK. I said I was frustrated. I said, “I can’t do it,” and began to fold my mat.

“Sit here for a moment and just take a break. Breathe. If you want to go I understand.”

“I don’t want to go.” And I didn’t. I stroked my arm like a mother would comfort a child, mouthing the words, “You’re safe, Jane. You’re safe. You’re not in danger. You’re just fine.”

I cried my last tear, pushed up out of child’s pose and into down dog refreshed, renewed and restored.

Advertisements

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. Unbalanced / Balancing « Average Jane pingbacked on 5 years, 1 month ago

Comments

  1. * evahowe says:

    I love you m’dear 🙂 I often find myself in tears on my mat when life is throwing me curve balls, but it feels so nice to cry them and then let them go.

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 3 months ago
  2. * elix16m says:

    Hi there.

    I was searching the definition of “Average Jane” on google about 10 minutes ago, then I came across a search result:

    Average Jane
    I stroked my arm like a mother would comfort a child, mouthing the words, “You’re safe, Jane. You’re safe. You’re not in danger. You’re …
    iamaveragejane.wordpress.com/ – Options

    Your blog post interested me. So I looked into it further.

    And spent the next 6 minutes reading your posts, and 4 minutes creating an account so that I could talk to you.
    You have motivated me to leave comment at the first post I read. And therefore I am doing so. Just to say:

    You are an amazing writer. Your words can express your emotions.
    Out of any other online blog, story, works of fiction I’ve read so far, yours was the best, the one that actually made me move my hand on the mouse to click the link to create an account.

    I’m here to say keep up your blogging. I would most definetely love to read your posts. It’s…. different. From the works I’ve read before. It made me want to read more. And write stories just like you.
    You really are an amazing writer.

    Have you ever decided to publish something in book form?

    A passer-by,
    Elix.M

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 3 months ago
  3. * Mat for Yoga says:

    Will surely recommend this site to some friends! Very interesting articles and

    Nice site.

    | Reply Posted 6 years ago


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: