Open Letter to Online Dating Site Guy

Dear Online Dating Site Guy (ODSG),

When you IMed me the other night, I was so pleasantly surprised. Your profile was charming. Your photos revealed that some men actually can wear aviator sunglasses and not look like total douchebags. With varied interests and an outdoorsy spirit, you seemed like a real catch. You were tall, Jewish, employed, and attractive: the quadfecta. Our conversation drifted from one topic to another with ease, and eventually we determined that we have a mutual friend! How fortuitous! We discussed possible plans for the coming weeks, and I was convinced I had won you over with my charm. I had to meet a friend and you had to eat dinner so we parted ways.

I came back from coffee, and decided to drop you a line. I recognize this may have been a breach in online dating communication protocol, but as I told you, I live life on the edge! Your dinner sounded delicious but it was time for slumber. I gave you my e-mail address and you gave me yours, and off I was to sleep.

But I didn’t hear from you over the next few days, perfectly reasonable given that you’re a boy, and therefore entirely useless. So I decided to drop you a breezy note… “You mentioned getting together on Monday, are you still available?”

Since you added me to your buddy list, I saw you were online and therefore in certain receipt of my message. With no response, I held out hope that maybe you were actually away from your computer… all day… or, maybe your typing fingers were all broken but you were still able to mouse about the interwebs.

Later that evening, I jumped back into the world of JDate to see what suitors had come looking for me, and saw that you were online. So, I guess you’re not interested. Which is rad and all, but how about you GROW A PAIR AND TELL ME THAT so I don’t go about my weekend anticipating plans that won’t actually, nor probably ever were going to, come to fruition. Smooches and best of luck!

Most kindly,

Average Jane

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